


the descent into loneliness.

by steelatoms



Category: Constantine (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Demonic Possession, Emotional Hurt, F/F, F/M, Family Member Death, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Possession, Psychological Torture, Spoilers for s04e8 Legends of To-Meow-Meow, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 05:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16947600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelatoms/pseuds/steelatoms
Summary: Desmond is gone, Neron is parading around in his body and John must revisit his hardest choice.





	1. familiar faces

**Author's Note:**

> That mid season finale was epic and since LOT is on hiatus until April, I decided to write.

There was a reason John Constantine didn't believe in happy endings, a reason that a weary, tragic life had beaten into him more times than he could count and yet still, he had allowed himself to be fooled into believing that he and Desmond stood a chance.

They were doomed from the start, from their shared glances in the bar (wait, wrong timeline, that had been erased), from when Des offered John a light -- at this point, John wasn't sure if that was even the right timeline, it was all so confusing.

John had hated demons before, had hated a lot of people, but nothing compared to the hatred he felt for Neron; purile and black, poison in his gut, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

It was terrible and exhilarating; maybe John was just a creature of hate.

Maybe all the nights he stayed awake, haunted by the memories of the ones he loved, their faces as they all, one by one, were knocked down like a row of dominoes, was an abstract response to his own self-hatred.

John often thought of ending it, especially after sending Des to his doom, damning him to unknowable torture; John had faced Hell before, but sending the one he loved there, that was the greatest pain of all.

For nights on end, he'd stay awake, daring himself to slit his wrists, to end it all; he didn't deserve to live for everything he had done.

He had met a person who didn't care about his past, who loved him despite his wrongdoings, and in typical John Constantine fashion, he fucked things up.

Only this time, Des wasn't dead; no, that'd be too kind.

The very demon who had dragged Des to Hell as John banished them both, unable to break their deal, was back, wearing Des' skin, walking around in his body.

Fuck, John hadn't expected that.

Part of him had guessed (and maybe even hoped) that Des had perished, that the flames of hell had simply destroyed him, but no. Des was strong, and in his strength, Neron was allowed to take control of his body and torture John some more.

When John saw Neron standing there, looking like Des, he almost died. He choked a little, teared up and attempted not to run to him, his mind knowing that it wasn't his Des, but a demon sitting in his hollowed out soul.

The irrational part of his mind wondered if Des was still conscious in there, as he didn't know if he was able to destroy him again.

Beside Neron stood Hank Heywood, clueless as always as he frowned at his son in disappointment.

The two were arguing about Hank torturing and kidnapping fugitives for the sake of being Neron's slaves, Hank defending it by claiming they weren't human, and that they didn't deserve respect.

Beside him, John felt Charlie stiffen, and he grabbed her wrist to stop her from attacking Nate's dad.

"I did it for us, Nate!" Hank promised, "Desmond here," John flinched at Hank calling the demon by that name, "He promised that he'd fix everything for us. He'd bring my dad back, we can be a family."

Nate shook his head, his voice cracking, "Dad... please."

"Look, I know what happened with him, and I don't care." Hank gave a small smile, "I love you, son. Now, join us, and we can have him back. I can have him back ."

Nate's eyes filled with tears, "You know I can't."

"You'd rather side with them over your own blood? Your family?" Hank's mood changed instantly.

Nate corrected, "The Legends are my family, dad. You... You're stuck in the past and you've treated me like shit because Grandpa wasn't here. Well I am, and I am telling you, get the hell away from him. He's evil."

"Don't listen to him, Hank." Neron murmured in the elder man's ear, "He's blinded by their lies. He doesn't believe, but you do, right?"

Hank's eyes took on a glassy appearance, and he nodded dazedly, "I believe."

"Good man." Neron flashed a grin towards John, "Now, take this knife..." he handed Hank a curved-bladed knife, then whispered something inaudible.

He backed away, and Hank raised the knife, causing Nate to panic, "Dad, put that down, please. Don't, we'll have to stop you."

Hank took a step forward, and Sara got into a defensive stance, flicking out her staff, ready to take the old man down if needed.

"What are you doing?" Nate said, then noticed Mick raise his gun, "Stop, he's my dad. Don't."

Mick grumbled, "Sorry, Pretty."

"This is insane. Z, tell them!" Nate looked at Zari desperately, but she had no answer, "Ray?"

Ray frowned, "Maybe we should just disarm him."

"We don't know what that knife could do." Sara swallowed thickly, "I'm sorry, Nate."

Nate attempted to push past, but was shoved to the ground by Charlie, "Sorry, mate."

"J-John?" Nate called, but John had completely shut down, "Stop it, please! He's my dad and I can't lose him!"

Hank drew closer, the dead look in his eye growing more apparent until he was one inch from the Legends.

Then, Neron called, "Enough!" he laughed, "You don't think I'd use such a flimsy way to to kill you, do you? No, I don't send someone to kill you. I tear you apart from the inside, piece by piece until you have nothing left. I kill every part of you until you finally beg me to deal the finally blow. When I'm done, you're nothing. No-one. Johnny here will tell you that."

John was actually trembling, breathing heavily, sweat dripping from his forehead as if he was stuck in the middle of some kind of panic attack.

Neron turned back to the Legends, "This body always did make him feel things. Many... different things." he grinned, "I actually think this was the first time Johnny here truly felt loved. Pathetic."

Mick suddenly aimed the heat-gun at Neron, pulling back the trigger without even thinking, a hurricane of flames engulfing Desmond's body.

"No!" John cried, shoving Mick and causing him to stop, "Why would you do that?"

Mick growled, "Don't know if you noticed, Trenchcoat, but your boyfriend here was going to murder us."

"He wasn't..." John murmured, "That's not... That's not Des, and if you've destroyed his body, you might've destroyed any chance of me restoring him, you stupid bint!"

Mick shoved John, hard, "Call me that again, Englishman. You'll burn too."

"Fuck you." John's tone held real venom behind it, even if tears were spilling from his eyes.

He wasn't a crier, he never had been, but certain things always brought him into these states; watching Bambi drunk, Astra and Desmond.

"John..." Zari's voice shook.

John held up a hand, "Z, I don't care, just--"

"John, look!" Zari pointed at the clearing smoke, where Des was standing now, terror on his face.

"J-Johnny?" his voice croaked.

John turned his head, "Des?" the tears came harder, faster, "Des, i-is that you, love?"

"It's me." Des looked around, "Where am I? I-I don't--"

John shook his head, rushing over to Des, who looked okay asides from slightly charred clothing, "It's okay. I've got you." he cupped Des' face, "Oh, Des I thought I lost you."

"I'm here." Des smiled, resting his forehead against John's, "Dazed, confused, but it's me, Johnny. I love you, I love you so much."

John nodded, "I love you too, Des." he smiled weakly, then pulled the other man into a tight embrace.

Meanwhile, Nate walked over to his dad, who was still in his trance, and he turned to the team, who were all distracted, "Uh, guys?"

"Not now, Nate." Sara said, smiling at John.

John was sobbing into Des' shoulder, kissing over the joint of his neck several times and holding on so tight he was close to breaking Des' ribs.

"It's kinda urgent, guys..." Nate looked at his dad, grabbing his face in an attempt to get some kind of sentience, but Hank was like an utter robot. After the team ignored him once more, he yelled, "Guys, my dad is still possessed!"

After he yelled this, Sara noticed that Desmond had a knife in his hand, and before she could even call out to warn John, Desmond had stabbed the knife into the warlock's back, in between the back of his ribs.

John cried out in pain, pulling away and looking confused, and mostly, hurt, "D-Des?"

"Not quite, Johnny..." Neron's voice hissed, "You know better to think that a silly gun can kill me."

Sara attempted to run forward, but found herself frozen in place as the demon glanced at her disapprovingly.

"You've softened my boy up, blondie." he clicked his tongue, "Thank you for that, it'll be easier to break him this way." he turned to Hank, who was inches away from his frozen son, "Oh, yeah. Slit your own throat."

Hank brought his knife up and dragged it across his own throat, causing blood to spurt over Nate from the sheer severity of the wound. Nate wasn't even able to scream, the spell holding him in place making him unable to talk. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he trembled with anguish.

Hank gurgled, looking confused as he gasped, "Son?" before falling to the ground, dead.

Constantine struggled against Neron's grip, "You bastard!"

"Oh!" Neron laughed, "You have got a nerve speaking to me like that. You know I could end every one of your friends' lives right now, right?"

Constantine pleaded, "Leave th-them alone, Neron. It's me you're after. You can have me, torture my soul."

"Is that a deal?" Neron grinned.

John groaned in pain, "Yes, yes it bloody is, now stop!"

"Very well." Neron grinned, "Come on, lover. We have much to do." Neron grabbed Constantine by the collar and the two disappeared into a portal.

The Legends immediately unfroze, Nate dropping beside his dad, turning him onto his back and sobbing into his chest, getting his blood all over him as he attempted everything; chest compressions, mouth-to-mouth, putting pressure on the wound, all the while sobbing hysterically.

Sara exchanged a pained look with Zari whilst Charlie turned away, feeling sick. Mick kept his distance, not feeling like he could accomplish much, feeling like Constantine's words held some truth as he watched his friend, probably one of his best friends since Snart died, suffer with no hope of healing.

Ray knelt beside his buddy, who was attempting chest compressions again, in complete denial, and he rested hands on his shoulder.

"It's too late." his voice was soft, comforting, and yet not enough.

Nate turned to him, rifling a fist into his face, screaming, "No! We will help him!"

"We can't." Sara's voice was choked, "I'm... I'm sorry, Nate."

Nate shook his head, "There's gotta be a way."

"We can't resurrect him." Charlie spoke up, "Resurrections, they never go well."

"I second this," Sara added.

Charlie's voice grew angry, "However, we can stop that bastard."

"How?" Nate whimpered, "He has John. He has infinite power, he has magic!" he turned to his dad, miserably adding, "He just wanted to be a family."

Charlie interjected, "Look, I'm sorry about yer dad, I really am, but you have to listen. None of us can beat Neron, because we can't face magic, but we do know people who can."

"John's gone." Sara huffed.

Charlie shook her head, "Not John."

"Nora Darhk." Ray added, rubbing his chin, "But she's in a maximum security Time Bureau prison."

Nate wiped his eyes, his tone becoming angrier, "Well, I say it's time we stage a prison break."

*

Meanwhile, John was in Neron's lair, strapped to a table, "You know, if you're going to torture me, get on with it. I'm a nasty piece of work, though, you've been warned."

"Oh, I know you are, John." Neron ran a hand through his hair, that's why I'm not going to torture you. Not physically, anyway." he grinned, "We're going to have so much fun together."


	2. psychological warfare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neron tortures John whilst the Legends turn to an enemy turned ally to help.

The Legends came barraging into the Time Bureau without so much as a plan, Nate's state of mind not allowing them to concoct one.  Ray attempted to keep up with his friend as he stormed the corridors, worried for mental state.

 

"Nate, buddy!" Ray's voice was as gregarious as always, and Nate hated that, "Hey, stop.  We need to slow down, please just slow down."

 

Nate shook his head, "Neron murdered my dad, Ray.  I'm getting Nora out."

 

"What if she isn't ready?" Ray wondered, "It's been a while since she's done magic like this, and she was possessed by a demon before."

 

Nate shrugged, "Then I'll make her do it."

 

"Hey, don't." Ray's tone suddenly became serious, "Look I know you're hurting--"

 

"You have no fucking idea how I feel right now."

 

Ray guessed, "Angry, betrayed, devastated?  Look, don't take it out on Nora."

 

"You know..." Nate stopped suddenly, "I'm going to have to tell mom.  I'll have to make up some story, like... it was an accident, o-or he topped himself or--" he felt like he was going to pass out, his body wavering, and Ray steadied him, "Neron has John.  We don't have time to waste."

 

Ray sighed, "Somehow I don't think that he'll kill John so quickly."

 

"Is that a bad thing or a good thing?" Nate asked humorlessly, then looked around, "Where are the others?"

 

Ray replied, "Well, since you were intending on doing a prison break, Sara thought it'd be best to at least tell Ava about it.  You know, so she doesn't send all her agents in to kill us by accident?"

 

"I really don't care about that.  We need Nora to kill Neron." Nate turned on his heel.

 

Before he could take another step, Ray stopped him, "What about John's boyfriend?"

 

"He's dead and gone."

 

Ray shrugged, "We don't know that.  We're Legends; we don't murder."

 

"Bullshit." Nate snapped, "Rory, he has more than a few kills under his belt, Sara's a literal assassin and John?  Well, he's John."

 

Ray corrected, "Well, you don't murder.  You never have."

 

"And?" Nate paused, "You think I don't have it in me."

 

Ray shook his head, "No, I don't.  Because you're not a vengeful person, Nate.  You're just hurting. Now come on. Let me speak to Nora, I'll try to convince her to help."

 

"Only because you're crushing on her." Nate remarked.

 

Ray blushed, "Shut up.  Wait out here."

 

"I can't." Nate shook his head, "I need her to--"

 

Ray rested a hand on his shoulder, "I'll convince her, I promise." he then turned, heading to go into Nora's cell.

 

*

 

Meanwhile, Sara had found her way into Ava's office, and was explaining the situation to her girlfriend, exhausted and deterred by the fact that yet again, one of her team was in danger.

 

"It's not your fault, Sara." Ava said, as if she could read Sara's mind.

 

Sara shrugged, "No, it's John's.  If he'd have just... if he'd have asked for help..." she sighed shakily, "Why did he never ask for help?"

 

"Well, you know John... he's got his whole 'I walk alone in the shadows' shtick." Ava replied.

 

Sara said, "It's an act.  Under that, he's just as scared as everyone else is... I just wish he'd trust us more."

 

"You're not the only one." Ava huffed, "I found Gary crying over Ben and Jerry's because John dumped him."

 

Sara sighed, "Tell him not to take it personally.  John's just not the best people person." she leaned over, suddenly feeling ill, "Fuck... I hope he's okay."

 

"John's strong." Ava encouraged, coming to sit beside her girlfriend, "He'll be okay.  He'll sass and outwit and annoy the demon into giving up."

 

Sara looked lost, "God, I hope you're right."

 

*

 

In Neron's dungeon, John was looking a bit worse for wear, scars covering his cheek and throat from where Neron had been attacking him.  However, the wounds he bore wasn't only physical, as looking at Des as he was cut into was enough to make him want to die.

 

But he couldn't; he couldn't let that bastard Neron win.

 

"Oh, Johnny..." Neron mocked in Des' voice, "You are a strong one, I confess."

 

John replied, "Well, your torture methods aren't exactly state-of-the-art.  Actually, if I might say, I'm rather bored."

 

"You always did have a sense of humour, didn't you?" Neron's thumb stroked his cheek, "But it's an act.  Come on," the demon's voice changed into the terrifying sound of his father's, and John felt his breath sharpen, <i> "Killer."</i>

 

John attempted to keep his emotions under wraps, utilising his usual sarcasm, "So, you're planning on psychoanalysing me to death?  Wonderful. And I thought my usual therapist was bad."

 

"It's your fault." Des' voice spoke again, his eyes meeting John's, "You killed your mother, you killed Astra and you killed me.  The one you loved."

 

"You're not Desmond." John swallowed thickly.

 

Neron shrugged, "No, but I can see his thoughts... Ooh, Johnny..." he laughed “He  _ hates  _ you.  He hates what you did to him."

 

“Not as much as I hate me.” John looked up, “This is really your plan -- to psychoanalyse me to death?  Thanks, but I have a therapist for that.” he leaned up, mocking, “Face it, you’ll have to kill me. You won’t break me.”   
  


Neron looked intrigued, “That so?  Tell me, Killer… that kind of arrogance, is it something inheritely a part of you, or is it a part of that facade you oh-so-love?”

 

“No need for a facade, mate.” John lied, “I’m a tough one.”   
  


Neron took a knife, running it over John’s cheek, “You know I can see dear old Des’ thoughts and memories, right?  How he held you through your darkest nights, saw you go through emotional breakdowns.” his lips --  _ Desmond’s --  _ turned up into a sadistic grin, “You really let yourself be vulnerable, didn’t you, Johnny?  Wow, the first person who sleeps with you, you let yourself be open with. Irony.”

 

“It’s not like that.” John’s tone went serious, “Des… he’s special.”   
  


Neron taunted, “Just like Gaz was?  Or how about Zed, or Chas, or Anne-Marie, or Zatanna?” their names were like stabs in John’s heart, and Neron knew it, so he twisted the figuritive blade further, “Where are all those friends of yours now?  Gaz, dead. Anne-Marie, wants noting to do you with you. Zed, dying, possibly even dead already, you never did check, you were too busy running. Chas hates you, and Zatanna never wants to see you again. John Constantine, the laughing magician, ruiner of lives.” he leaned down and whispered, “Where’s that feisty Hellblazer now?  There’s nothing, not even a bit of a fight left in you. I ought to just kill you, make you die at the hands of one of the only people left that care about you.”

 

“Then why don’t you do it?” there was malice in John’s tone, masking the waver of his voice as the memories of his past misdeeds brought back troubling feelings, and he dug his nails into his palm to try keep his focus.

 

Neron shrugged, “It’s no fun.  I don’t need to kill you. I need to tear you apart.”

 

“Well, get on with it.” John requested, “Because right now, I’m a little disappointed in your so-called skills.  Maybe you’re not as good as they say you are.”   
  


Neron scoffed cruelly, “ _ Oh, I’m good.”  _ he knelt down and murmured into John’s ear, just ask your darling boyfriend here.  I tore at his soul for the hundred of years you damned me for. There’s nothing left, because of you.  It’s you and me, lover, and I’m going to destroy you just as I destroyed Des.”

 

“Leave him out of this.” John spat, “You’re already wearing his body, he’s gone.”

 

Neron licked his lips, “About that… he’s not.  There’s a part of him, just a sliver, and he’s watching me tear you apart and it’s… exquisite.  So much pain. He’s screaming in my head, Johnny, he wants me to stop. But I won’t. I’ll make him watch as I kill you.”   
  


“You bastard!” John raised his voice, attempting to headbutt Neron fruitlessly, anything to cause him pain.

 

Neron ran the blade down John’s chest, cutting off the buttons, “Now… where were we?” he paused, “Oh, yes…” he then shoved the knife into John’s shoulder, revelling in his cry of pain.

 

*

 

Meanwhile, Ray snuck his way past various Time Bureau agents by shrinking, knowing that after the revelation of Hank’s treachery, they’d be on higher alert.  He flew under the door of Nora’s room, maximising in front of her and Mona, who jumped and released a high-pitched squeal.

 

_ “Ray?”  _ Nora looked confused, “What’s wrong?  What are you--”   
  


Ray interrupted, “It’s John.  Neron has him.”

 

“Oh, God.” Nora looked panicked, “Mona, you should go.  Ray and I need to talk.”

 

Mona asked, “Who’s Neron?”   
  


“A really nasty demon, dad told me about him.” Nora swallowed thickly, “What happened?”

 

Ray explained, “He took the form of John’s ex and--” he sighed, “He killed Nate’s dad.”   
  


“Wait!” Mona shrieked, “Mr. Heywood’s dead?” after a moment, she added, “Oh, thank God.” at Ray’s horrified look, she felt instantly guilty, “Sorry.  He hurt a friend of mine.” she instinctively put a hand on her bandaged stomach.

 

Ray hissed, “Look, keep it down.  If the Bureau finds out… they’ll kill Neron in an instant.”

 

“And we don’t want that?” Nora asked.

 

Ray shook his head, “There has to be another way.  But we need to find John first. Which means breaking you out of here.” he was about to fire at the bottom of Nora’s cell to disengage it when he was interrupted.

 

“Hold on, Ray.” Nora stopped him, “I’m not sure if I can.  Exorcisms, locator spells… you’re asking me to go into really dark magic.”

 

Ray’s features softened, “I know.” he gave a small smille, “And you know I’d never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do because I care about you, but…  John needs us.”

 

Nora pressed her lips together, then gave a curt nod, stepping back.

 

“You might want to step away, Mona.” Ray warned.

 

Mona nodded, getting up, “Sorry, was distracted by all the adorableness going on here.  If there wasn’t people in peril, I would probably be squealing.”

 

_ “Mona.”  _ Nora’s tone became harsh, and as much as she felt guilty about being so aggressive to one of her only friends, she knew that John’s live was at stake.

 

Mona silently moved, her expression slightly crushed, which only added to Nora’s guilt, but she put it on the backburner as she signalled to Ray that she was ready.

 

“This hopefully won’t set off the alarm since I’m going straight for the core.” he mumbled, aiming his cannon at the floor of the cell.

 

With a whoosh, a blue blast hit the ground, causing the cell to disappate, however the explosion also caused Nora to lose balance.

 

Before she could fall, Ray rushed around and caught her, his clunky metal suit somehow still comforting as it touched her arms.

 

“I got you.” Ray murmured, his eyes roaming her face.

 

Nora smiled, “Thanks.”

 

For a second, they were unable to tear their eyes away from each other until the sound of a door opening and Mona’s awkward coughing caught their attention.

 

They looked around and saw a bunch of Time Bureau agents, all standing with their guns aimed at Ray and Nora; in the middle was none other than Gary Green, who’s hand was trembling with the pistol.

 

“Hands in the air!” Gary commanded, with no real threat behind his voice.

 

Ray shook his head, “Gary… it’s John.  He’s in trouble.”

 

“Hands u--” Gary broke off, “What kind of trouble?”

 

Ray explained, “Demon trouble.  Look, we’re trying to help him,m and we need Nora for it.”

 

“It’s true.” Mona confirmed.

 

Ray nodded, “The demon that has him killed Hank.  So just let us go and--”

 

Suddenly, one of the agents was knocked out by something silver.  Ray wasn’t sure what happened next, but soon all agents sans Gary were out cold and an angered Nate de-steeled.

 

“Oh, God.” Gary backed away, dropping his gun, “I have to get Director Sharpe.  I can’t let you--”

 

Ava interrupted, “It’s okay, Gary.  I permitted this. Now, keep your mouth shut about Hank, the last thing we need is everyone going crazy whilst a literal demon is on the loose.”

 

Gary nodded, “Y-Yes, Ma’am.”

 

Ava opened a portal to the Waverider with her time courier, glancing at Mona, “Look after him, will you?”

 

“Of course.” Mona nodded.

 

Sara came from behind Ava, glancing at Ray and Nora, who awkwardly parted after realising they were still in an embrace.

 

“Right, time to find John.” Sara commanded as the group entered the Waverider, the portal closing behind them.

 

“I’m going to need something of his.  Something he’s attached to.” Nora explained.

 

Charlie, listening in, ran over, “Already got that sorted, luv.” she handed Nora the necklace that belonged to John, that had once belonged to Des.

 

“You’re not Amaya.” Nora noted, “Let me guess, one of those infamous magical fugitives I’ve been hearing about?”

 

Charlie nodded, “Name’s Charlie.  And who are you, gorgeous?”

 

“Okay!” Zari interrupted with a hint of something like jealousy behind her words, “Can we get on with things already?”

 

Nora glanced at Zari, “Great to see you again too, Zari.” she clasped the necklace in her hands and began mumbling a spell under her breath, feeling the rush of magical energy soar through her veins once more.

 

It felt like a high, one she had spent a majority of her life fearing but was finally beginning to accept it as she spiralled headfirst, the energy from the necklace inspiring some form of heartache.

 

Images filled her head; John, crying in pain as someone ran a knife over his chest, only he wasn’t crying from the physical pain.  She couldn’t make out what the other man was saying and so she turned around, hearing dripping.

  
It took her mere seconds to work out that they were underground, but where, she wasn’t sure.  She focused harder, and in real life, blood began dripping from her nose as she channelled the mystical energies of the necklace.

 

“Nora?” Ray looked worried, grabbing her shoulder, “Oh, God, is she okay?”

 

Nora murmured, “I’m fine.  They’re underground, near a sewer.” she sniffed, “The air, it smells of burning and I can feel something crackling… like lightning.  There’s a lot of pain this place holds for John.”

 

“New Orleans.” Charlie suggested, “Is it New Orleans?”

 

Nora concentrated harder, but nothing else came.  It was then she noticed that the demon was now facing her.

 

“Nora Darhk.” he teased, “I can see you, you know.  Your tricks won’t work around me.”

 

Nora looked confused, “How are you this strong?”

 

“Because.” Neron smirked, “I’m a God, or at least, I will be.” he closed his fist, “Now, I’m afraid I must cut our friendship short.” he tore his hand down, “Farewell.”

 

Back in reality, Nora’s body seized upward as she fell into Ray’s arms, coughing up black bile and feeling as if Malice was possessing her again.

  
“Nora!” Ray called, brushing her hair back, “Hey, stay with me.  You okay?”   
  


Nora choked a few times before calming down, “Yeah…” she panted, “I’m fine.” she then added, “New Orleans.  The sewers.”

 

“Gideon, can you track them with that?” Sara asked.

 

The AI replied, “I can cross-reference it with the signs of demonic activity that John has put in my alert system.  One second.” there was a whirring sound, “Sending the coordinates to Ava’s time courier now.”

 

“Good.” Sara wet her lips, crossing her arms, “Let’s go get our wizard.”   
  


*

 

Meanwhile, Neron lingered over Constantine’s slumped form, “Your friends are coming.”

 

“Yeah, and they’ll stop you.” John gasped in pain, “They’ll  _ destroy  _ you.”

 

Neron remarked, “Destroying Desmond in the process.”

 

“Worth it to be rid of you.” John hissed, not really meaning it.

 

Neron laughed, “You are  _ really _ broken.” he paused, “Still, I think I’ll have a lot more fun with your team if they aren’t  _ able  _ to help you.” he picked up a hammer from his box of toys, and raised it above John’s shin, “I’d bite down on something if I were you.”

 

When the hammer came down hard on his shin, John couldn’t help the scream of agony as he lurched upward, struggling against his bonds.  The hammer came down again and John felt the bone shatter and he screamed again, tears rolling down his cheek from the pain.

 

_ “Des!”  _ he screamed, desperate to stop the pain, “Des, please, I know you’re in there!”  the hammer raised above his head, “Desmond, you don’t h-have to do this, don’t do this, please.” after a beat and a shaky breath where he could taste nothing but blood, he murmured, “I love you.” and shut his eyes, preparing for the hammer to come crashing down on his skull.

 

The final blow never came, however, and when he opened his eyes he saw a conflicted Neron staring down at him, with a hint of Desmond’s familiar warmth in his eyes.   He dropped the hammer to the floor, rearing backwards and cursing, turning away as he regained control.

 

John couldn’t stop staring as Neron retreated for a minute, his leg was throbbing, bloody and broken, and he still couldn’t tear his eyes away.

  
Neron had  _ stopped. _

 

He had a chance to kill John yet he stopped.

  
John considered that it was Des for a second, but that thought disappeared when Neron returned, eyes blazing with fury as he picked up the hammer and brought it down sharply on John’s other knee three times, sending nothing but sheer, unbearable agony through his body.

 

It was too much for John, and he ended up passing out from the pain, his head hitting the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos/comments are appreciated  
> follow my twitter @steelatoms


	3. powerful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Legends find John, and they come up with a plan.

****

When the Legends arrived in the sewer where Nora had tracked John to, Zari groaned, trying to step away from the sewage.

“Not used to getting your feet dirty?” Charlie asked, staring the other girl up and down.

Zari remarked, “On the contrary, actually.  These  _ are  _ brand new boots, though.”   
  


“Don’t worry, girl.” Charlie smirked, “You still look drop dead gorgeous even when you’re several feet in sewage water.”   
  


Zari blushed a little at that, glad it was dark in the sewer as she walked onward, following after a straight-faced Nate.

The usually cheery man had a gun in his hand and Zari knew he was substituting his grief for anger, which wasn’t healthy at all, but she knew it’d be hypocritical to call him out on it, having done it herself for so long.

Rage had been her best friend ever since her mother, father and Berhrad had all perished, and she remembered how euphoric it felt when she took it out on the Puritans, the rush she got as she tore their breath from their lungs.

Her fists clenched at her sides and she inhaled shakily.

In front, Nora was walking beside Ray, their hands hanging loosely beside each other, brushing every so often as they walked.  Nora was prepared to attack Neron if needed, but was more focused on finding her friend.

She had to admit, spending time with Ray was almost worth it, too.  Since she was banned from getting visitors, the letters they exchanged via Mona were the only means of communication, and she often found herself missing him.

Yet here they were, and whilst the circumstances couldn’t be any worse, she couldn’t help but be a tiny bit happy.

“This way.” Ava called, noticing a light down the end of the tunnel.

Mick stormed closer, his feet splashing in the sewage as the team approached the room, noticing the unconscious, bloody John in the centre.

“Oh, God.” Sara said, rushing over to him, dropping her guard, “John…” she looked at his bloodied chest, and realised, with relief, that it was still rising and falling, even if his breathing was laboured and pained.

“His legs…” Ray noticed, walking over; part of him wanted to hurl at the sight, of bone sticking unnaturally through flesh.

Sara nodded, “They’ve been hammered in.”

“I’m disturbed you even know that.” Zari commented.

Sara shrugged, “I’ve done things before.  This happens to be one.” she took John’s hand and squeezed it, “I’m so sorry…”   
  


“Guys.” Nora spun around, “Where’s Neron?”

Charlie looked concerned, “He’s maybe buggered off.  Gotten scared.”

“Unless… he wanted to trap us.  He knew we were coming, remember?” Nora swallowed thickly, “We’ve got to get out of here.”

Suddenly, Neron’s voice spoke, “Now why would you do that when you’ve just arrived?  How I’ve waited for new friends to play with.” he flicked his wrist and the Legends (sans Nora), all were suddenly pinned to a wall.

“How are you so powerful?” Nora asked.

Neron took a step closer, “If I told you, it’d break all of your little human hearts.” he smirked, “You’re different, though.  Stronger. Tougher. I can sense Malice’s power within you still, a residue, but strong regardless.”

“Don’t listen to him, Nora.” Ray called, then he felt his esophagus suddenly grow tight, restricting his breathing.

Nora panicked, “Wait!  Stop!”   
  


“Why?” Neron’s eyes searched her face, “You don’t actually  _ care  _ about this man, do you?”

Nora repeated words that Ray had spoken to her a long time ago, “Sometimes torture isn’t the answer.”

“Let me guess,  _ love  _ is?” Neron laughed coldly, “Darling, I’m a demon.  You know that won’t work on me.”

Nora nodded, “Maybe not you, but you are in a vessel.  That body, somewhere it has a soul in it.”

“You’re wrong.” Neron hissed, “Desmond is gone.”

Nora smirked, “We’ll see about that.” she raised her hands and began chanting, channeling the energy through herself once more, this time tapping into the darkness that Malice had left behind.

Neron screamed in rage, hurtling the Legends to the other side of the room, breaking Ava’s time courier.  Inside his head, Nora saw images of Desmond, alone and cold, and she felt overwhelming sadness come over her.

She released Neron, “You’re torturing him.”

“He made his choice.” Neron hissed. “He sold his soul to me, gave himself.”

Nora replied, “You tricked him.  You promised you wouldn’t hurt John.  You  _ lied.” _

“I’m a demon.” Neron stared her down, “I lie.  And it’s too late anyway, you don’t have enough power to stop me, even with Malice behind you.”

Nora shook her head, “No, but I can knock you out.” she thrust out a hand, calling out a spell, thunder and lightning crackling through her veins as her eyes glowed purple and Neron’s skin glowed before he slumped back against the wall.

The Legends were all released from their holds, Ray coming over to steady Nora as she stumbled, their faces suddenly very close.  Nora’s eyes flickered over his face and she smiled.

_ “Thanks.” _

Ray shook his head, “You saved our asses.  Thank  _ you.” _

Nora thought about kissing him, but when she saw Nate step near Des’ body with a gun in hand, she suddenly panicked, telekinetically grabbing the gun, “Whoa!  Stop!”

“He killed my dad.” Nate stated.

Nora nodded, “I know, but there’s an innocent man in there.  I sensed it. I just need more power.”

“I’m calling Gary to pick us up and take us to the Waverider, my time courier’s broken.” Ava said, then looked at John, “Watch him, make sure he keeps breathing.”   
  


She stepped out of the room, and Nora walked over to John, resting a hand on his forehead, whispering a spell that caused him to shoot awake.

“Wait-- wha--” John looked around confused, then suddenly seemed to remember how much pain he was in, but in typical John Constantine fashion, gritted his teeth and changed the subject, “Neron--”

****  
  


Nora replied, “I’ve incapacitated him for now.  Your boyfriend’s still in there, John, but I need more power to reach him.”   
  


“Use me.” John offered his hand, “We can do it now.”   
  


Sara looked horrified, “Are you kidding me?  You look half-dead!”

“I’ve been worse.” John grinned through his pain.

Sara yelled, “Dammit, John!   This will kill you, don’t you understand?”

“Maybe I don’t care.” John replied, “Look, we save innocents, don’t we?  Des was an innocent.”   
  


Sara shook her head, “No.”

“I can’t get a signal!” Ava cried, “We’ll have to walk!”

John glared at Sara, “See!  We’ve got time to waste. Now let me bloody do this.”   
  


“Fine, but if you die…” she began, “I’ll kill you.”

John grinned, “Promises, promises.” gasping through the pain, he turned to Nora, “Do it.”

“You sure?” she asked.

John’s voice became very small and fragile as he admitted, “I love him.”

“Okay.” Nora nodded, and she took his hand, “I’m going to hold him here,” she looked up at Sara, “You might want to wait outside.  Things might get a little ugly.”

Sara shook her head, “I’m staying.”   
  


“So, what do I do?” John asked.

Nora replied, “I’m going to put your inside Des’ mind, you need to find him and give him the power and energy to cage Neron.  Now it’s not a permanent solution, but you’ll get him back. Avoid Neron at all costs, okay?”

“Got it.” John nodded, then looked at Des, “I told you I wasn’t quitting on you, Des.”

Nora began chanting, squeezing John’s hand and taking the energy from him before running it through Desmond’s, keeping the body still but sending bolts of magical energy into him.   
  


John closed his eyes and held his breath, sweat dripping from his forehead, and when he reopened them, he was somewhere different.

He was now in a blue landscape, and all his injuries had healed.  He shivered at the cold then looked around himself.

“Okay.  It worked.” he sighed in relief, “Now, I’m going to find you, Des.  Whatever it takes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how powerful is my girl Nora? im love her


	4. memory lane.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John attempts to rescue Desmond from Neron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully i'll be able to update this every few days (i've been watching titans, rewatching LOT and Constantine and binging runaways this weekend, so I'm quite busy).

Visiting the landscape of somebody’s mind was something John preferred to avoid; inside people’s heads, their darkest secrets would lie, and even though he had seen the darkest of situations, often people’s thoughts were too much to handle.

 

The landscape of Desmond’s subconscious was a cold, dark, endless hellspace, reminding John of the description Sara had given him about Malice’s dimension.

 

This wasn’t the first time he’d been in some kind of hell dimension, and although logic told him that it was all just in Desmond’s head, he still felt fear swelling in his gut.

 

“Bloody hell…” he murmured, turning around.

 

Nora’s voice spoke in his head, “John, are you in?”

 

“I’m in.” John replied, “But it’s all wrong.  I know what people’s minds are meant to look like, this--”

 

Nora’s voice was comforting, “He’s possessed, it’s alright.  You’ll fix this. We will.” she paused, “Okay, keep going and you should come across some doors.”

 

John nodded, walking through the freezing cold until he noticed a row of doors that seemed to lead nowhere.  He ran over to the first one, resting a hand on the handle, only to pull back when it seared him.

 

_ “Shit!”  _ he cried, “Nora, I can’t.  He’s blocking me out.”   
  


The voice replied, “Don’t panic.  Look, you’re about to enter some of Desmond’s memories, and some of them are bound to be painful.  But you  _ have  _ to face it.”   
  


“Yeah, because this isn’t completely invasive at all.” John said, then tried the handle once more, this time forcing past the searing pain and barging into one of the memories.

 

The atmosphere changed around him, and he found himself outside an orphanage, with a young boy standing anxiously in front of it, tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

“What the hell?” John murmured.

 

An elderly woman in a nun’s outfit came up to the child, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry, young Desmond… soon this will become your home.”

 

_ “Des…”  _ John murmured, realising that in their time together, a whole six months, he never did ask about Des’ parents.

 

He knew they were dead, Des had mentioned it offhandedly, but John didn’t know that he had been in an orphanage.  In his chest, John’s heart ached.

 

The young Desmond asked, with a vulnerability John had rarely seen from his adult self, “Why did this have to happen?  Why did they have to die?”

 

“I don’t know, nobody does.” the woman said, “Only God knows.”   
  


John backed up with a shaking breath, whispering, “Des… I’m here.  I came for you.”

 

There was a sudden hissing noise and John looked down to see a green snake wrapping around young Des’ legs.  It took him a moment to recognise the serpent as Neron, but when he did, he gasped in horror.

 

“What are you doing?” He cried, but wasn’t heard as the snake travelled up to wrap around Des’ neck.

 

“John…” Nora warned, “John, get out of that memory, now.  Neron’s consuming him again. You have to hurry up.”

 

John nodded, rushing out of the door and running to another one, this one later down.  Once again, the handle burned his hand, but this time, he powered through it, barging in through the door, only to stumble on a memory he shared.

 

He and Desmond were lying in bed together after a day where John’s mental health had once again gotten the better of him.  He had tried pushing Des away, but the other man had refused to leave him, had stayed with him until he admitted what was wrong; he had been suffering from nightmares again, this time of Gary Lester.

 

John remembered holding Gary’s hand as he screamed and cried, the demon destroying him from inside out.

 

John Constantine, the great murderer.

 

After John had admitted what was wrong with him, Des had held him for a while, and John could still feel his arms around him subconsciously.  They had went to bed, and here they were, neither able to sleep.

 

“You’re not a monster, you know.” Des’ thumb stroked over John’s cheek, and although John knew he  _ was  _ one, for a second he almost believed him.

 

John sighed shakily, “I ruined Gaz’s life.  I killed him.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Des murmured, pulling John close, “You did what you had to do.”

 

A tear rolled down both memory John and current John’s faces, and current John inhaled sharply, his hands trembling by his side.

 

“John, you okay?” Nora asked.

 

John replied, “Not at all, love.  He’s not in this memory.”

 

“Maybe try his most recent one.” Nora suggested.

 

John froze, “I can’t.”

 

“Look, I know what happened, I can sense it in you, but you have to.” Nora said, “Or I’ll have to pull you out.  You’re deteriorating, you won’t last much longer.”

 

John considered it for a second, then cursed under his breath, “Fine.” he glanced back at the memory for one more moment, then left, back in the cold landscape.

 

Only this time he wasn’t alone; near where the doors started, Neron stood, a disembodied figure, who then shifted into a snake once more, sliding towards John.

 

_ “Holy shit!”  _ John yelled, then ran into the last door, shutting it harshly behind him, “Nora, what happens if Neron catches up to me?”

 

Nora replied, “He’ll be able to possess you to; whatever you do, do  _ not  _ let that happen, you hear me?”   
  


“I hear you.” John said, then turned to the memory, only to feel a sudden wave of nausea.

 

He saw himself, hands in flames, banishing Desmond to hell, looking devastated as he did so but still keeping his composure.

 

Inside current John was a wave of different emotions; grief, anger (he didn’t want to relive this memory, especially from Desmond’s angle) and disgust.  He wanted to kill himself for ever hurting, ever  _ meeting  _ Desmond.

 

He slid down the door, tears in his eyes that threatened to fall, unable to tear his eyes away.  He silently watched until the last of Desmond disappeared into the portal, and the memory went dark.

 

He was about to give up when he heard a soft,  _ “Johnny?” _

 

“Des?” John jumped to his feet and turned, seeing Des huddled in a corner, looking confused and just as devastated as he also was.

 

Des’ voice shook, “I don’t know where I am.  I-Is it really you?”

 

“It’s me.” John came to kneel beside Des, “It’s me.”

 

Des cupped his cheek, “You’re injured.”

 

John pulled away, confused, only to realise his real-life wounds were beginning to bleed into this reality.

 

“Johnny?” Des looked confused.

 

John swallowed thickly, “It doesn’t matter.  We need to get you out of here.”

 

_ “How?”  _ Des asked.

 

John replied, “You’ll have to banish Neron.”

 

_ “Me?”  _ Des shook his head, “I-I can’t.  I’m… I’m weak… I’m scared.”   
  


John rested his forehead against Des’, “You may be scared, but you’re not weak, Desmond.”

 

“This can’t be real… I-I don’t remember…”

 

A disembodied voice whispered,  _ “It’s not real, Desmond.  It’s all in your head.” _ __   
  


“Neron.” John hissed, “Fuck.” he cupped Des’ cheeks, “Look, I can’t hold him off for long, you have to stop him, lock him away in your mind.”   
  


Des asked, vulnerability in his eyes, “How?”

 

“John, you have to make a connection with him, allow the power I’m channeling through you to go to him so he can lock the bastard up!” Nora instructed.

 

John’s eyes searched Des’ face as the whispers got louder, “Okay, I’m going to give you a little power.  You come from a long line of magic, right back to Marie Laveau, so you can do this.”

 

“How can you give me the power?” Des asked, “I don’t practice.”   
  


John murmured a spell under his breath, “Hopefully this will work.” he said, then pulled Des in for a long overdue kiss.

 

He felt the crackling energy of Nora’s magic travel through him into Desmond, an exquisite kind of pain that left him shaking, his entire body turned into a wire as more power shot into his veins.

 

It was like a drug high, and John could feel himself on the precipice of a crash; their lips parted and he slumped to the side, barely even conscious.

 

_ “Johnny!”  _ Des cried, but knew that stopping Neron was his priority.

 

He slowly got to his feet, seeing a figure come from the shadows; a figure that soon turned into him.

 

“Hello, Desmond.” Neron smiled.

 

Desmond clenched his jaw, “You hurt Johnny.  We had a deal.”   
  


“You said spare his life and I did.” Neron looked at John, “He  _ is  _ looking rather peaky, however.”

 

Desmond felt the rush of energy flow through him, “Well, you can’t hurt anyone else.”

 

“You can’t kill me.” Neron smirked, “You can’t send me back to Hell either.”   
  


Desmond shrugged, “I can cage you.  I can stop you.”   
  


“It’s a temporary fix.” Neron growled, “I’ll have your soul again.”   
  


Desmond smirked, “Oh, I don’t think you will.”   
  


He clenched his fist and began chanting, chanting in a language he didn’t even know as his eyes flashed golden.  Neron snarled and attempted to jettison forward, but was held back by the sheer amount of energy flowing through the human.

 

“This isn’t possible!” Neron yelled.

 

Des continued chanting, and the energy formed a cell around Neron, locking him inside his brain.  Des shot John one last look before everything went white.

 

*

 

Des awoke with a shout, jumping as he saw several blasters, guns, knives and various other weapons pointed straight at his head.

 

“It’s alright.” Nora waved her hand, “He did it.  Neron’s locked up.”   
  


The unfamiliar group of people dropped their weapons, one more reluctantly than the rest and Des rose to his feet, noticing that John was lying flat out on the table, his legs broken and bloody.

 

“Johnny…” he murmured, rushing to his lover, cupping his cheek and stroking his hair, “Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” he began to weep, burying his face into John’s shoulder, “Don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.”   
  


There was a soft moan of pain, followed by, “Des, I love you and everything, but my shoulder is in actual agony.”   
  


“Holy shit.” Des pulled away, thumb stroking John’s cheek, “You’re alive!”   
  


John smiled, “So are you.”

 

“I thought I lost you.” Des’ voice wavered, “I-I almost--” he looked at his own hands, covered in John’s blood, “I-I--”   
  


John took his hands, “Hey… don’t.” he squeezed his lover’s hands comfortingly, “It wasn’t you.  I know it wasn’t you.”

 

“I don’t remember anything… just… blood and darkness and pain.” Des’ breath trembled, “God, your legs… We need to get you to a hospital.”

 

Ava came rushing through, “Actually, we don’t.  Just managed to contact Gary, he should be here in five, four, three, two…” she paused, “Damn it, Gary.  Hurry.”

 

Behind her a portal opened and Gary bumped into her as he left the Waverider, “Oh, s-sorry.” he looked at John, “Oh, God.  John?”   
  


“I’m fine, Gary, mate.” John lied, trying to get past the awkwardness that filled the air as one of his former bedfellows met the man he loved, “‘Tis a scratch…” his voice was slurred, and he ended up passing out again the moment he was moved.

 

Des cupped the back of his head, “Is he going to be okay?”

 

“If you let us take it from here.” Sara replied.

 

Des shook his head, “I’m not leaving him.” he helped Mick move John, ignoring the crestfallen-looking Gary as he entered the Waverider, “Holy sh--”

 

“Ship, right?” Ray smirked, “Yes, this is our timeship, the Waverider.”

 

Des looked confused, “Timeship?”   
  


“It’s a ship that travels through time.” Sara explained, “Gideon?”

 

The AI spoke, “I am preparing to heal Mr. Constantine now, Captain Lance.  Bring him through to the medbay.”   
  


The disembodied voice was almost enough for Des to drop John, but he staved off his own wonderment and surprise to make way for the concern for his boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, though they had never really broken up).

 

Desmond and Mick rested John against the medical slab and Ray put the wristband on John, allowing Gideon to work on him.

 

“Mr. Constantine has sustained two fractured femurs, various non-fatal stab wounds, a substantial amount of blood-loss and internal trauma.” Gideon announced.

 

Desmond felt sick, “Oh, God.” he sat in a chair that Ray pulled up to him.

 

“It’s okay, Gideon can fix him, can’t you, Gideon?” the scientist rested a comforting hand on Des’ shoulder.

  
Gideon replied, “Of course, however, it will take some time.  The damage Mr. Constantine sustained is extremely harrowing, if he was anywhere else, he would probably have--”

 

_ “Okay, I get it!” _ Des cried, “C-Can I just sit alone with him, until he wakes up?”

 

Ray nodded, “Do you need anything?”

 

“No, I’m fine, thank you.” when he was alone with John, Des took his hand and brought it to his lips, “What have you risked for me, Johnny?  Why would you do that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos/comments/subscribe, it's always appreciated.
> 
> also follow my tumblr @bisexualseg-el and twitter @steelatoms and come scream about john with me


	5. home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whilst john heals up, the other legends mull over their situations.

_ “Sod off!” a British voice laughed, coming from a bedroom in an apartment in New Orleans as his boyfriend trailed his lips up his chest and neck, knowing very well how ticklish he was. _ __   
  


_ His boyfriend replied, “You love it.” he leaned in, “You love me.” _

 

_ “Yes, I do, but if you keep doing that, we might have to re-assess that.” the man smiled up at his lover and frowned when he noticed that the smile wasn’t returned, “What is it., Des?  What’s wrong?” _ __   
  


_ Desmond replied, “I don’t know… it’s just, you don’t say it much.” _

 

_ “Say what?” _

 

_ The barkeep replied, “That you love me.” _

 

_ “It’s just words, Des.” the blond cupped his boyfriend’s cheek, “And anyway, you know how I feel.” _

 

_ Desmond sighed, “I know, Johnny.  It’s just…” _

 

_ “What?” John looked intrigued. _

 

_ Desmond replied, “I’m not really used to hearing it.” _ __   
  


_ “I’m not used to saying it.” John explained, “I mean, I’ve hurt nearly everyone I’ve ever loved.  Zatanna, Chas, Anne-Marie, they’re lucky that they’re still alive. Gaz wasn’t so lucky. I don’t even know if Zed is.” _

 

_ Desmond ran a hand through his hair, “There are people who care about you who you haven’t hurt. Sara Lance and her pack of idiots, Oliver Queen… me.” _

 

_ “Sara, she’s already damaged.” John said, “Oliver too.” his eyes flickered over Des’ face, “You, you’re one of the only things I haven’t destroyed yet.” _

 

_ Desmond took his hand and kissed it, “I trust you, Johnny.” _ __   
  


_ “Famous last words.” John sighed shakily, then looked at the lightning that crashed out the window, “A storm’s comin’.” _

 

_ Desmond cupped his cheek, “And we’ll survive it, but you gotta promise me that you won’t ghost on me.” _

 

_ “I wouldn’t do that.” John promised, “I’ve hurt enough people in my life.”  he rested his forehead against Des’, “I won’t allow myself to hurt you. I’d rather die.” _ __   
  


_ Des winced at that, “Don’t say that.” _

 

_ “It’s true.” John whispered, his legs tangling with Des’ under the sheets, “I don’t get vulnerable much, especially with the baggage I carry, but then again, not many people are you.  Not many see a damaged, damned soul like me and don’t care.” _ __   
  


_ Desmond nuzzled his forehead, “It’s because you’re not damaged, Johnny.” he brushed his lips against John’s hair, then his temple, “You’re not damned.  You’re a good man.” _ __   
  


_ “Not at all.” John smiled, “But it’s still nice to hear ye say it.” _

 

_ He rested his head on Des’ chest, feeling his boyfriend’s hand trail up his back -- this was peace, serenity.  This was what he had sought all his life, through the trials and tribulations, throughout blood and tears. _

 

_ This was home. _

 

_ * _

 

On the Waverider, Nora couldn’t help but peek her head in to check in on John, feeling like she still owed him for his attempt at helping her whilst possessed by Malice all those years ago (for her, for him it was about ten months ago.

 

John hadn’t explained to her about Des, she remembered him murmuring his name when she had helped him gain back his life energy (it made her wonder whether he had a bit of a death wish, which of course he did, he was John bloody Constantine), but John had always been distant.

 

She didn’t even know he was capable of loving so passionately, of letting himself be vulnerable.

 

The last time she was vulnerable, a demon got in and messed with her head, had destroyed her life, had  _ murdered  _ her father and although he was evil and she could still see the hatred in Sara Lance’s eyes after he killed her sister, she wished he was here to hold her again, to tell her what to do.

 

She had tried to run, but her guilt caught up with her, as it always did.

 

She had tried to face up to her crimes, but nothing got better.

 

She didn’t deserve redemption, she knew this.  She didn’t deserve happiness, she didn’t deserve friendship and she didn’t deserve love.

 

“You okay?” Ray Palmer’s voice was gentle as always as he brushed her arm with his thumb, noticing her sadness.

 

Nora turned to him, “I’m fine, just…” she sighed, “John, he’s a friend.”

 

“I know.” Ray frowned, “I mean, he’s a grumpy one who tries to avoid any kind of closeness with anyone, but he  _ is  _ a friend, you know?  He’s like candy, hard shell on the outside, soft on the in--” he stopped, “You know what, maybe this isn’t the best metaphor.”   
  


Nora giggled, and it was a beautiful sound that made Ray smile too.

 

“You’re funny, you know?”  Nora commented, “Well, I suppose we should go, I’ve got a prison to get back to.”   
  


Ray corrected, “Actually, I spoke to Ava, and she agrees that maybe, whilst Neron is still a possible threat inside Desmond, that you remain on bail.  You know, kinda like a liaison of the occult? Besides, I think John could use some help, it’s going to be a difficult ride to get Desmond and the demon to seperate.”   
  


“Ray…” Nora sighed, “I can’t… you know I can’t.”

 

Ray took her hands, “Nora, this way you can help people, make up for what Damien made you do.”

 

“He was my dad.” Nora swallowed thickly, “And most of the decisions were mine.”

 

Ray shook his head, “You were brainwashed.”   
  


“No, I’m just not good.” she pulled her hands away,  _ “You.   _ You’re a good man, Ray Palmer.  And you deserve better than me.”   
  


Ray looked devastated, “Nora, please.  You  _ aren’t  _ a monster.”

 

“Yes, I am.” Nora admitted, “Malice may have been in control, but I still did those things.” she looked in on Desmond and lowered her voice, “And the things  _ he  _ did whilst Neron possessed him, all the people he killed and hurt -- he may not remember it now, but it will haunt him forever.” she felt tears well in her eyes, “He was an innocent, I wasn’t, that’s the difference, though.  He didn’t deserve this.”   
  


Ray’s hand touched her shoulder, “Then help him.”

 

“I wish I could.” Nora turned to Ray, a few tears falling, “I wish I could be that good.  But I’m not.”   
  


Ray gently brushed away the tears, “You can be.  You aren’t evil. You can’t let what happened ruin your life forever otherwise, isn’t Mallus--”

 

_ “--Malice.” _

 

Ray smiled softly,  _ “Malice.”  _ he continued, “Isn’t he still in control that way?  If you don’t live a life, isn’t he still able to control you?  You’re more than that, Nora, I’ve seen it.”   
  


“Ray--”

 

Ray’s eyes searched her face, “You’re good, okay?  You can be good, I know it. Don’t let the darkness win, don’t let it--”

 

He was cut off when she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down into a bittersweet, emotional kiss, tears rolling down both their cheeks as they moved together, clinging onto each other like the world was going to end.

 

_ Don’t leave me,  _ he pleaded in his mind, hoping she’d somehow hear him,  _ everything’s falling apart and you are the only thing I can make sense of. _

 

His hands ran through her hair as they kissed, and he could feel her desperation, her pain, as she cried into it, pulling away to catch her breath.  Her eyes were filled with tears, her face streaked with them, her lower lip wobbling.

 

Even at her most devastated, she was beautiful.

 

Their foreheads pressed together and he mumbled shakily as he took her hands, “Please don’t go.”   
  


“I can’t stay.” she whispered, “I’ll  _ ruin  _ you.”

 

He cupped her cheek, thumb skirting over her skin, “I’m not scared.”

 

“You should be.” she sniffled, then turned to see Des, who was watching over John, as he had been doing for the past couple of hours and she gave an uneasy smile, “I’ll stay.  But after this, after I’ve helped,” she let go of Ray’s hands, “I’m going to go back to my cell, where I belong. I’ve committed too many crimes, and I’ll be damned if I drag your soul to hell with me.” she walked away from Ray, wiping her eyes and trying to ignore the soft sounds of him sobbing behind her.

 

*

 

Meanwhile in the galley, Nate was sitting crouched over the breakfast bar, glass of straight whiskey in hand as he attempted to stave off his emotions.  He hadn’t told his mother; that would have to come and he’d be damned if he’d do it without a drink first.

 

Mick came barraging in, holding a bottle of beer and he sat down opposite Nate, noticing that his friend was upset.

 

In typical Mick fashion, he stated, “You look like crap.”

 

Nate didn’t reply, simply glared up from his glass for a second before going back to his existentialism; what was the point in being a hero anymore if all he did it for was to impress his dad, who was now gone?

 

Maybe he was selfish, maybe the persistent thought of going and strangling Desmond to death was reckless and evil.  He knew it wasn’t the human’s choice and yet he couldn’t stop reliving his dad’s death, all that blood.

 

He didn’t realise that he steeled up until the glass shattered in his hands, whiskey splashing onto the table and floor.  Mick seemed to jump a little, he wasn’t afraid of much but he had never seen Nate like this.

 

“Pretty, you okay?” he asked.

 

Nate unsteeled, dryly asking, “What do  _ you  _ care?” there was more venom behind it than he intended, and the angered expression on Mick’s face was more a warning than anything.

 

“Look, Pretty, just because your old man passed--”

 

_ “--’passed’?”  _ Nate looked horrified, “No, Mick, you big idiot, he didn’t just ‘pass’.  My dad was fuckin’ murdered. By a guy who is on this ship.”   
  


Mick looked unimpressed by Nate’s outburst, “Boss said to leave him alone with Trenchcoat.”   
  


“Maybe I don’t care what Sara says.” Nate’s hand closed on some of the broken glass, drawing blood.

 

Mick took the glass from Nate’s hand, “Look, you want to sit here and feel sorry for yourself, do it.  I don’t care. But you don’t disrespect the boss.”

 

“She’s not the boss of me!” Nate got to his feet.

 

Mick also got up, anger in his tone, “You need to sit down and shut up, Pretty, ‘cause you’re crossing a dangerous line there.”   
  


“I don’t care!” Nate hissed, “My dad is dead!   He’s dead and I can’t even be angry at him for betraying me  _ because  _ he’s dead.”

 

Mick growled at him, “You don’t get to take out your anger on everyone else!”   
  


“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.” Nate stepped closer to Mick, “You, a thief and a murderer who has taken out your anger on everyone you’ve ever met.  You killed your own parents, so don’t talk about me losing mine.”

 

Mick shoved Nate, “You’re outta line, Pretty.”

 

“Maybe I am.” Nate’s voice rose in pitch slightly, “What’re you going to do about it, huh?  You gonna hit me? Gonna steal from me? Gonna kill me?”

 

Mick may have played dumb a lot, but the truth was, he was more intuitive than most as he realised, “You want me to hurt you.  To kill you, even. Too bad, Pretty, you don’t get to skip through the pain, you don’t get the easy way out.”

 

_ “Fuck you!”  _ Nate screamed, his fist ramming hard into Mick’s jaw, “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”

 

The tears began to fall and he attempted to attack Mick again, only this time the thug caught his arms, holding them as he struggled.  After a few painful moments, Nate gave in, slumping forward and releasing strangled cries against Mick’s shoulder. Mick uneasily rested a hand on Nate’s back, not knowing how to handling it and suddenly missing Amaya more than ever.

 

*

 

“I don’t know what to do.” Sara admitted as she and Ava sat in the office, “Desmond has a demon in a cage in his head, John’s going to be distracted if he wakes up at all, Ray’s busy with Nora and Nate’s a ticking timebomb.” she sighed heavily, “I miss Rip.”   
  


Ava came over and rubbed her shoulders, “I miss him too, but you’re doing a good job, despite the impossible circumstance.”

 

“Am I?” Sara asked, “Because I feel like I’m doing really shitty.”

 

Ava sighed shakily, “Babe… You’re a good captain, you’re just stuck in a difficult situation.”

 

“I just--” Sara frowned, “I’m so scared.  I don’t like being scared.”

 

Her girlfriend knelt beside her, taking her hands and kissing them, “You’ll work this out, I know you will.”

 

“God, I love you.” Sara cupped Ava’s cheek with her free hand, “Kiss me?”   
  


Ava smiled and knelt forward into a soft kiss, pulling away only to mutter, “Love you too, by the way.”

 

*

 

_ “Hello, gorgeous.”  _ Charlie’s familiar, cocky voice chided as she knelt against the frame of Zari’s door, “You busy?”

 

Zari rolled her eyes, continuing her game of Skyrim, “Go away.”   
  


“If I didn’t know any better, Z, I’d say you were angry with me.” Charlie sauntered in and sat beside Zari, who rolled her eyes, “What did I do now?”

 

Zari paused the game, “Not everything is about you.”

 

“Care to explain?” Charlie’s eyes searched her face, “Because, I may be many things, gorgeous, powerful, a flamin’ bloody genius, but I’m not a mind reader.”

 

Zari retorted, “You obviously aren’t able to take a hint, either.  Please. Go.”   
  


“What’s wrong?” Charlie asked persistently, “Is this about John?”

 

Zari sighed shakily, “Yes.  Okay? Yeah, it’s about John.  I’m happy that he has his boyfriend back, I’m happy about him being happy, it’s just…”   
  


“You’re lonely.” Charlie stated, “You miss your family and you’re lonely.”   
  


Zari nodded, “I want to save them but I can’t.  I keep looking for loopholes and helping people, but nothing.” her eyes filled with tears, “I can’t save them, I never can.”

 

“I’m sorry, Zari.” Charlie’s arm came around her shoulder and she pulled the other girl close, rubbing her shoulder, “You’re not alone, okay?  You  _ aren’t.” _

 

Zari sniffled into Charlie’s skin, dropping the controller into her lap as the other girl comforted her.

 

*

 

When Mick and Nate arrived at the Heywood family home, Nate’s heart was racing, his hands shaking.

 

“I can do this.” Nate muttered, then knocked at the door, considering running away for a second when his mother opened the door.

 

Dot looked very stressed, as if she hadn’t slept for days when he saw her, and she immediately enveloped both him and Mick into tight, warm embraces, Mick looking a bit embarrassed for a second.

 

“Nathaniel, thank goodness!” she smiled, “Where’s Henry?  He hasn’t been home in a few days, I’ve been a bit worried.”

 

Nate’s breath caught in his throat, “A-About that… Mom… I--” tears filled his eyes, “Dad-- he’s… Dad’s--”   
  


The realisation dawned on her face,  _ “No.” _

 

“Mom, I’m so sorry.” Nate took her into his arms, feeling her struggle and sob in his arms.

 

Mick looked down, resting a hand on Nate’s shoulder and rubbing in an attempt to comfort him as they both cried into each other.

 

*

 

Back in the medbay, John began to stir a little from his sleep, eyes flickering open as he saw a sleepy Des watching over him.

 

_ “Des…?”  _ he murmured.

 

Desmond jumped slightly, roused from his exhaustion, “Johnny?” his breath trembled and he leaned over, throwing his arms around John’s body, “Oh, thank fuck.”

 

_ “Ow…”  _ John groaned.

 

Desmond pulled away, “I’m-- I’m sorry.” he cupped John’s cheek, “I hurt you.”   
  


“No, it was Neron.” John swallowed thickly,  _ “I  _ hurt  _ you.   _ I sent you to Hell, and he got his grip deeper than you.  I should’ve done it differently, I should’ve…”   
  


Des shook his head, “You had to save the world.”   
  


“You  _ were  _ my world.” Tears filled John’s eyes, “And I  _ killed  _ you.  I sent you to hell, I  _ damned  _ you and I never should’ve…  I shouldn’t have… everything that happened to you was because you met me.  I should’ve walked away that first night, should’ve saved you. But I damned you.  I  _ destroyed  _ you.” a soft sob left him, and although he tried to swipe at the tears, his devastation was clear.

 

Des’ voice was choked with tears also as he brushed away loose strands of blonde that fell onto John’s forehead, “You didn’t damn me.  You did what you had to do. I understand. Everything I did though… that man’s father… I remember bits and pieces, I remember that the sick bastard enjoyed it all --  _ I  _ enjoyed it.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Des.” John reiterated, “I’ve been possessed before, killed a bunch of people.  I couldn’t stop myself. In the end, Anne-Marie had to send Pazuzu away.”

 

Des gave a small laugh through his tears, “Wait, ‘Pazuzu’?  As in the demon from  _ The Exorcist?” _

 

“Yes.  And that movie is strangely factually accurate.” John replied, “Point is, it’s not you, Des.  It wasn’t you. And we’re going to stop Neron, I swear.”

 

Des nodded, “Let’s get you healed up first.”

 

“Yeah, I am dying for a cigarette.” John mumbled, and at Des’ glare he added, “And I care about my own self-care and everythin’, of course.”   
  


Des smiled, “Better.” his eyes flickered over John’s features, “You know I love you, right?  Always have.”

 

“I…” John paused, scared to be vulnerable again in case he lost Desmond.  After a moment, he decided that he was done playing the hardass with no feelings and that he could lose Des at any given moment, which only made their time together more precious, “I love you too.”

 

He meant it, more than ever, and when Des leaned in for a kiss, he kissed back with fervour, like a drowning man gasping for air.

 

He had his home back, and this time he would  _ not  _ lose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos/subscribe/comments are always appreciated


	6. discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the team try to find a way to help Desmond

When John was given the all-clear from Gideon, he was relieved, knowing that the quicker he’d get back to his work, the quicker Desmond would be free of Neron completely.

  
However, as he strolled into meet his fellow Legends, Des awkwardly shuffling at his side, he instantly noticed that something was different; the lovable idiots were all miserable, and hardly communicating with one another.

 

It was obvious by how they all sat far from each other, with the exception of Sara and Ava and Charlie and Zari (an odd couple, though John would have to have been blind to miss the chemistry bubbling between them).  Nora was sitting on the step, knees up to her chest whilst Ray was trying to make himself look busy whilst stealing forbidden glances her way. Mick was halfway down a bottle of scotch, being his usual grumpy, isolated self and Nate’s eyes held one of the most uncomfortably devastating looks John had seen as his eyes laid on Desmond’s form (he instantly looked away, his fists clenching at his sides).

 

Even Gary, fun, bubbly, cheery Gary, looked upset, and John realised why; he had toyed with the adorable nerd’s heart and though part of him truly cared for him, he was  _ in love  _ with Desmond.

 

Lying to him would only make things worse, from experience (he tried not to think about how he had hurt Annie, and how, no matter how much she hid her feelings and prayed to God, she’d never truly forgive him).

 

Sara was the only Legend to greet him, looking like she was going in for a hug but knowing that John had his limits, ultimately she opted to hang back, “John, you’re looking better.” she donned her familiar wry smile which calmed some of the stress in his gut.

 

_ “Right as rain, luv.”  _ John smirked, “Now, if you don’t mind, I have somethin’ to ask ye sorry lot.  Is it okay for Desmond here to remain aboard this here Waverider, at least until we can deal with this Neron business?”

 

Nate’s eyes bore a hole in Desmond’s soul, causing Des to uncomfortably add, “If it’s no problem, that is.”   
  


“Of course.” Sara nodded, “You’re an innocent, and we help innocents.”

 

Ava suggested, “Will they be sleeping in the library still, I don’t see that being particularly convenient?”

  
“No convenience about it.” Nate spoke up, “I won’t be using my room anymore.  I’ll have my stuff moved out as soon as possible.”

 

Attempting to be a mediator, John reasoned, “Nate, mate… you don’t have to--”   
  


“No, John.” Nate snapped, “I  _ do  _ have to.  You know why?  I have to move out because I am arranging my father’s funeral.  I have to look after my mom. I have to do some real, human shit.”

 

Desmond’s guilt flamed up once more, “I’m so sorry.”

 

_ “Don’t.” _ Nate held up a hand, “Ray?” 

 

His mind obviously elsewhere, the scientist unenthusiastically replied,  _ “Hmm?” _

 

“Help me grab my stuff?” Nate requested.

 

Ray took a minute, then nodded, “Sure, okay.” he caught one last painful shared glance with Nora before he and Nate both left, the latter of which glared at John as he left.

 

After a moment, John remarked, “Well, that sure was bloody uncomfortable.”   
  


_ “Johnny…”  _ Des’ voice was sorrowful, tinged with remorse and it shattered John’s heart into smithereens.

 

He turned to Des, taking his hands, “It wasn’t you, luv.  If he can’t see that…”

 

“Give him time.” Sara suggested, “Nate’s been through a lot.  We all have.”

 

Gary nodded, “Yeah, that’s true.” his voice hid a hint of bitterness behind it, and John couldn’t help but flinch.

 

He hadn’t even thought about what Gary had been through, he had been so preoccupied with his apparent death wish that he had ended up hurting Gary even more.

 

_ “If you need me to go…”  _ Des’ voice brought him back to reality.

 

John interjected,  _ “No!”  _ he saw Des jump slightly, “Sorry.  It’s just… you need to stay here, we need to figure all this out.”   
  


“There is a way to stop Neron, you know.” Desmond swallowed thickly, “If he doesn’t have a form to possess, you can destroy him.”   
  


John looked horrified, “That is  _ not  _ an option.”   
  


“Look, Johnny, I know--”

 

John interrupted, “No, you don’t!” his voice raised an octave, “You don’t get it, Des.  Neron  _ hates  _ me.  Even if I kill you again, even if I destroy him, he’ll find a way to come back and bite me in the arse.  He’ll burn the world down with you if he needs to. We need to stop him. Permanently. Preferably in a way that won’t get any innocents hurt,” his gaze caught Des’,  _ “including you.  _ You don’t get to bow out that easy, luv.”   
  


“Tell me.” Nora finally spoke, “Do you love each other?”

 

John looked confused, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Do you love each other, unconditionally?” Nora’s tone was desperate, pleading.

 

John nodded, “Yeah.  I love him, unconditionally.” he noticed Gary’s saddened glance but opted to ignore it, “I mean, I fought for him.  I’m going to continue fighting.”   
  


“And you?” Nora looked at Des.

 

Des took a moment, his eyes searching the girl’s face (he remembered the stories of Nora Darhk, yet another one of John’s apparent failures) and when he answered, his tone was incredibly soft and sincere, “I love Johnny more than anything I’ve ever loved in this life.”

 

“Then I’ll be on your side.” Nora promised, “I’ll use whatever power I have, be it my father’s, Malice’s or my own, to fight for you.  But Des, you have to fight too.”   
  


Des nodded, and he and John came to lean against one another, the blonde’s head resting on his shoulder.

 

“We’ve got your back too.” Sara nodded, “Whatever happens.”   
  


Mick grunted in agreement -- or perhaps annoyance, nobody could really figure it out anymore.

 

“We’ll fix this, Des.” John’s voice held none of it’s familiar dry wit, only plain transparency.

 

Des gave a weak smile and pressed a kiss into John’s hair, which caused the pain and jealousy within Gary to flare up, this time causing him to storm out.

 

_ “Shit.”  _ John pulled away from Des.

 

Ava held up a hand, “I’ll deal with Gary, you and the Legends should try and find a way to defeat Neron.”   
  


“Okay, but Sharpie?” John began.

 

Ava tilted her head, confused.

 

“Tell Gary that… well, you know.” the mage struggled to say the words, as he always had.

 

_ ‘I’m sorry’  _ wasn’t really a part of his vocabulary, despite the fact that he had several people who he owed the sentiment to.

 

Ava nodded, then ran after Gary, knowing him well enough to assume that he wouldn’t go to cry aboard the ship.  She couriered into the Time Bureau, walking down a corridor and opening the supply closet, finding Gary sitting there with his knees up to his chest, glasses in his hand as he sobbed pathetically into his knees.

 

“He doesn’t love me…” he choked out, “N-Nobody does.”

 

Ava came and knelt beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Come on, Gary.  You  _ know  _ that’s not true.  John… he does care.  But he’s in love with Desmond.”   
  


“Then why did he sleep with me  _ after  _ Des?” he sniffled, “He used me as a way to-- to expel his grief!  What kind of asshole does that?”

 

Ava replied, “John Constantine is the kind of asshole who does that.   But you’re better, okay? You’re going to find someone one day, and you are going to be happy.”

 

“I--” Gary’s lower lip quiver was damn near  _ heartbreaking,  _ the usually chipper agent now fragile and near unrecognisable, “He nearly died, Director Sharpe.  An-and I don’t…”

 

She squeezed his shoulder lightly, “I know.  Look, you did nothing wrong, Gary.”

 

“Then why does it feel like I did?” Gary’s voice was soft, quiet, almost childish

 

*

  
Back on the Waverider, John and Des headed into the library in order to look for ways to destroy Neron without hurting anyone else.

  
At least, that was what John intended, Desmond crossed his arms and stared at his boyfriend, disappointed.

 

“You gonna help me look or are you going to burn a hole in my head?” John asked.

 

Des’ stated, “You slept with him.”

 

“Yes, I did.” John replied, “You were dead, don’t be jealous.”   
  


Des rolled his eyes, “Come on, Johnny, you know that isn’t what this is about.”

 

_ “What?”  _ John turned to Des, “You want me to admit that I was a complete arsehole to him?  That I broke his heart like I do with everyone that cares for me? You know who I am, you know what I do to people like Gary.” his voice went quiet as he added,  _ “To people like you.” _

 

Des huffed, “Here you go again.  How many times are you going to try to push people away from you, Johnny?”   
  


“Until people get it in their bloody heads that I am not good for them.” John replied, “Gary, he--” he sighed, “I was his first, and I knew it and I still was an arsehole to him and you know why?”   
  


Des shrugged.

 

John began, “Because I am a self-obsessed black hole of a person who uses and hurts people.  Gary was just one in a long bloody line for me and everyone knows that.”

 

“Is that who you want to be?” his boyfriend asked, “Some lonely, lost man with no purpose, nobody to love?”

 

John sighed shakily, “I love  _ you.   _ And losing you, it just made more myself.  It made me who everyone sees me as -- Tommy Constantine’s son.  Lonely, lost and with  _ nobody to love. _ ”   
  


“Is that what this is?” Desmond asked, “You lose me, so you use it as an excuse to push people away.”   
  


John grabbed a book and opened it to a random page, attempting to look like he was reading to wrangle his emotions back in, “It’s  _ not  _ an excuse…”

 

“I don’t believe you.” Desmond rested a hand on the book, making John unable to read it, “John, talk to me, dammit!”

 

John inhaled sharply, “Look, Des.  Everyone around me suffers, you yourself have.”   
  


_ “Because of Neron!”  _ Des was getting frustrated.

 

The blonde corrected, “Because of  _ me.   _ Look, maybe it’s best if I don’t… I’m better off alone.”   
  


“You are really frustrating, you know that?” Des exclaimed, exasperated.

 

John weakly retorted, “Why don’t you leave, then?”

 

“Because I know that’s what you want.  You  _ want  _ to be alone, to suffer and be a martyr.” Des shook his head, “I’m not letting what happened to everyone else happen with us.  You’re not pushing me away, not like you pushed away Zatanna, or Zed or Chas, or anyone who helped you be vulnerab--”

 

John suddenly looked inspired,  _ “Bollocks.   _ That’s it!  Chas, he’s got plenty of materials back at Jasper’s house, there’s gotta be something about safely removing a demon there somewhere…” he turned to Des, “I bloody love you!” he grabbed Des’ face and pulled him down into a surprising, hard kiss, one that left them both breathless when they pulled away, “I’ll need to go to see Chas, probably be best if I went alone.  He’s not exactly going to be happy to see me.”   
  


“All the more reason for me to go.” Des took John’s arm, “We’re not done discussing this though, okay?”

 

John huffed, “I suppose I could be swayed to discuss it again.”

 

“I’m serious, Johnny.”

 

_ “Fine!” _ __   
  


_ * _

 

Nate finished packing up his things when he turned to Ray, who was staring at the floor, “Earth to Ray Palmer?”

 

_ “Hmm?”  _ Ray looked confused, “Oh.  Right.”

 

Nate asked, “What is with you today?”

 

“I guess I’ve been a little distracted since Nora and I--” he broke off, “Well…”   
  


Nate looked intrigued, “Go on…”

 

“No, nevermind.” Ray shook his head, “You’ve got a lot on your mind right now, I shouldn’t bother you with my problems.”

 

Nate shrugged, “It’d actually help to take my mind off things a little.”

 

“She kissed me.” Ray explained, “After saying we couldn’t be together then after the kiss, she walked away from me.”

 

Nate rested a hand on Ray’s shoulder, “I know what that’s like…”

 

“No, you don’t.” Ray shook his head, “Amaya’s different, she  _ had  _ to leave.  Nora, she--”

 

“-- doesn’t believe you have a future?” Nate added.

 

Ray nodded, “Not if we’re together.  She’s like John, believing she’s cursed and everything.”

 

“Well, maybe it’s best you stay away.” Nate suggested, “I mean, you know I care about your happiness, you’re my best buddy an’ all, but I don’t know… Nora Darhk, John Constantine, they all end up hurting people in the end.”

 

Ray frowned, “You can’t blame John for your dad.  It’s not his fault.”

 

“We shouldn’t be facing a demon, we should be facing fugitives and anachronisms.” Nate clenched his his fist at his sides, “If John didn’t bring all his goddamned baggage…”

 

Ray rested a hand on Nate’s shoulder,  _ “Hey…  _ Look, I’m always here for you if you need me, man.”   
  


“I’m fine.” Nate said, swiping at his eyes, “J-just… be careful, alright?  I can’t lose you too.”

 

Ray gave a small smile,  _ “Never.” _

 

*

  
Zari and Charlie were mulling over ideas when the shapeshifter finally spoke, “Z, luv?”

 

“You come up with something?” Zari was tired, impatient and irritable.

 

Charlie shook her head, “Not about this.  Though I do have an idea, since Nora Darhk will be movin’ in, as is dear old Desmond.  I mean, I don’t exactly ‘ave a room meself yet.”

 

“Now isn’t the time to be talking about real estate.” Zari grabbed her laptop and began typing and trying to find a solution online.

 

Charlie awkwardly rubbed her arms, “I know, but I was wonderin’... could I maybe bunk with you?”

 

Zari turned her head, “What?”

 

“Well, it’s just, nobody’s usin’ Amaya’s room except maybe Nora, Des and John have Nate’s room…”

 

Zari suggested, “You could use the Professor’s.”

 

_ “Who?” _

 

Zari explained, “He was a friend…” she paused, her tone becoming very saddened, “He’s gone now.  A lot of our friends have.”

 

“No offense, but I don’t wanna sleep in a room that belongs to a dead guy.” Charlie paused, “I know he won’t use it but--” at Zari’s glare, she backtracked, “Bein’ disrespectful again, I see.   Look, the thing is, with this demon on the loose, I don’t want… I’m not  _ comfortable…” _

 

Zari grinned,  _ “Awh,  _ you don’t want to be alone.”

 

“Yeah.” Charlie crossed her arms, “So what do you say, gorgeous?  Can I bunk with you?”

 

Zari sighed, “I suppose it’d be beneficial for us both to sleep together--” she caught herself and began to blush,  _ “uh, I mean to share a room,  _ since Des could break at any time.  Two heads are better than one, right?”

 

“Yeah, and since I’m all stuck and mortal now, I might need a brave knight to protect me from evil.” Charlie grinned slyly.

 

Zari scoffed,  _ “You wish.” _

 

_ * _

 

In the Waverider’s kitchen, Nora read through a few of her dad’s notes that Sara had collected whilst the assassin fixed them both some drinks.  Mick was passed out on the table behind them.

 

“Does he do that a lot?” Nora asked.

 

Sara smirked, “It isn’t Mick if he isn’t drunk, eating or sleeping.”

 

Nora laughed at that, but she was still unable to look the captain in the eye, remembering how she had drained her life essence, or how her father had  _ murdered  _ her sister.

 

“You know, I see what’s going on between you and Raymond.” Sara stated, pouring the whiskey.

 

Nora blushed at that, “There’s nothing going on.”

 

“Come on, I’m an assassin, I’m not _ blind!”  _ Sara remarked, “You like each other.”   
  


Nora sighed, “I’m not good for him, I never will be.” her eyes finally, awkwardly flickered up to Sara’s face, “There’s too much of my father in me.”   
  


“You know, I don’t see that.” Sara noted, “I see a girl who was scared and did what she could to survive, whether that’d be kill or accepting a demon into her body.” she added, “I can kinda relate, actually.”   
  


Nora replied, “You weren’t a demon vessel.”

 

“Yes, I was.  Even before Malice, there was darkness in me.” Sara handed Nora the whiskey, “Before I was a Legend, before I died, leading back to the Queen’s Gambit.  Point is, I think we have a lot more in common than you realise.”   
  


Nora nodded, “Yeah.  Though, I am sorry. What my dad did to your sister…”

 

“Don’t.” Sara held up a hand, “Not your fault, okay?”   
  


Nora gave a small smile, “Thank you.  Even though I’ve fucked with your team so much, you still don’t hate me.”

 

“Because everyone here has a dark past, everyone here has betrayed us at least once.” Sara explained, “You aren’t a monster, Nora.”

 

Nora took her glass, “Neither are you.”

 

Before either could drink, John came billowing in with Des, waking up a cranky Mick as they did so.

 

“John, you found something?” Sara asked.

 

John shook his head, “But Desmond here gave me a good idea.  Time for us to visit an old friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @steelatoms and tumblr @bisexualseg-el


	7. an old friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john visits an old friend for assistance.

“Are you sure about this, Johnny?” Des’ voice was distant in Constantine’s ear as he held a cigarette loosely from his lips, blowing smoke out of the car window.

Des’ gaze moved from the road to his boyfriend’s face, “Johnny?”

Snapping back into reality, John took another draw of his cigarette and replied, “Yes, if it’s to save you, I’m willing to risk this.”

“What do you think he’ll do?” his boyfriend asked, hand shivering slightly on the wheel.

John shrugged, “I don’t know. Kick my arse? Scream various terribly rude words at me? Bloody stab me? I mean, I deserve all the above.”

“What happened between you two?” Des asked, “You never seemed to talk about him.”

 

The warlock replied, “He was my best mate, known each other for years, was there for me even after the shit at Newcastle. Along with our friend Zed, we kinda had a little crew goin’ there.”

“And then it changed.”

 

John nodded, “Chas’ wife, Renee left me because of him, then his daughter got sick. Makin’ things worse, Zed, she had a tumour. The bloody angel we were workin’ with double-crossed us, I made several bad calls and when Zed took a turn for the worse, I just ran. ‘Aven’t spoken to Chas in four years now, don’t even know if Zed’s alive. If she died, and I didn’t even bother to say goodbye…”

“Hey,” Des attempted to think up something comforting, but was interrupted by a full body tremble.

John immediately sat up straight, “You alright, luv?”

“Yeah.” Des turned on the car heater, “Just freezing.”

John leaned over, pressing the back of his hand to Des’ forehead, “Bloody hell, you’re Baltic! Hey, let me drive.”

“I’m fine.” Des insisted, “I just gotta keep my eyes on the road. Besides, I’ve been in a car with you, you are not a good driver.”

 

John smirked at that, “Maybe you have point there, but you don’t love me based on my driving skills, right?”

“I love you despite your driving skills.” Des remarked, “Anyway, how did Sara get this car?”

John replied, “Captain Lance is very persuasive.”

 

“You’re only saying that because you slept with her.” Des reminded.

John laughed, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for another drag, “You’ll never let that go, will yeh?”

 

“Nope.” Des replied simply, “Do you think we should have brought her along?”

John scoffed, “Yeah, my ex-fling, my boyfriend and my former mate who probably wants to kill me. Sounds like a great idea!”

“Don’t get crabby, I just don’t want you to get KOed before you can even ask a question.” Des retorted.

John took a final drag of his cigarette before chucking it out the window, “Lucky that Sara somehow convinced me to wear one of those bleedin’ comms things then, innit?”

 

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around time travel.” Des explained, “I mean, I know you told me about the Legends, but holy crap, that ship!”

 

John noncomittally shrugged, “Eh, it’s not bad.” at Des’ stunned look, he explained, “Livin’ a life like mine leaves little room for wonders.”

“You are a killjoy, you know that?” Des remarked.

Ignoring that comment, John commanded, “Okay, so take the next left and go through the path for a little and it should lead yeh right there.”

 

“Place is in the middle of nowhere.” Des commented as he took the turn.

John retorted, “Kinda the point of a secret magical base, luv.”

“I know, but I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that a cabin in the woods always brings bad news.” Des said as they drove up the path.

John replied, “You don’t know the half of it, darling, those horrors seem to blow a lot out of proportion though. A masked serial killer is less likely to kill you than a car crash, at least.”

“Gee, thanks, that makes me feel a lot better.” Des remarked as he parked the car.

John shrugged, “What? Murderers in cabins aren’t that common, you’re more likely to murdered just about anywhere else.”

“You know that The Strangers was based off a real story, right?” Des said as he clambered out of the car.

John got out of the other side, pulling out another cigarette and putting it behind his ear, “Yeah, I ‘aven’t a clue what that is, mate.”

“You know, one day I’m going to make a reference you understand.” Des took a step forward, but John put an arm out in front to stop him going any further, “What?”

John’s eyes sought the house’s front, “Magical guards are up. If you’re not careful, you could end up in another dimension. One second, let me try…” he held up his hands and began chanting a spell, still feeling a tad weakened, but when nothing seemed to change, he groaned, “Bastard changed the bloody locks! Oh, that is cold, Chas Chandler!” he called, “Alright, you bloody knob’ead, come out and face me, I know you’re there.”

The front door opened and a giant of a man with a scruffy beard appeared with a look on his face that John couldn’t determine from how dark it was.

“John?” the man stepped forward, “The hell are you doing here?”

John sighed, “Look, if you’re going to have a go, here’s your chance, but there’s somethin’ a bit more important at stake here than past grievences. But here you go, punch my bloody lights out if you want, God knows I fuckin’ deserve--” he was cut off when Chas suddenly pulled him in for a tight, crushing hug, “Oh. Wow. Uh--” he shoved at Chas’ shoulder, “Can’t breathe, mate.”

“Oh, sorry.” Chas pulled away, “I heard what happened with your boyfriend.” he turned to Desmond, “Wait, who’s this?”

Des replied, “I am the aformentioned boyfriend. The name’s Desmond Laveau, pleased to meet you.”

“Wait, he saved you?” a smile twitched at Chas’ mouth.

John replied, “Not exactly. Look, it’s a bit of a long story, but I can explain it when we get inside, okay?”

“Of course.” Chas turned to lead the way but the house itself seemed to balk at the sight of John, “Sorry, it’s not exactly happy to see you. Since Zed--”

John interrupted, “I-Is she alright? I didn’t leave her to bloody die, did I? Please tell me she’s okay!”

 

“She’s fine,” Chas held up his hands in an attempt to calm his friend, “She just moved over to England with Zatanna. We figured she needed some time after everything that happened with Manny betraying us. She’s okay, she’s in remission right now, the doctors did say there is a chance of the tumor returning though, so with Z’s advice, she decided to sit out until she’s given a proper all-clear.”

John sighed in relief, “Thank bloody God.”

“I’m afraid he doesn’t have much to do with it, John.” Chas led he and Des into the house, the house immediately taking a dislike to the barkeep, “Sorry, it doesn’t like strangers.”

 

John rested a hand on Des’ shoulder, rubbing it in comfort, “You alright?”

“Yeah.” he shivered again, “Hopefully I’ll warm up soon.”

 

John nodded, “There’s a fireplace, we’ll get it lit and you’ll warm up.” he took Des’ hands and kissed them softly, “We’ll work this out, Des.”

 

“You coming?” Chas called.

John rolled his eyes, “Back one minute and he’s already parentin’ me.” he huffed, “Yeah, wait a second mate!”

*

On the Waverider, Sara and Ava were sitting together, the former staring anxiously at the computers, “John should’ve checked in by now…”

“I’m sure he’s fine, babe.” Ava’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Sara sighed, “I’m just worried. If we don’t fix this, if we aren’t able to save Desmond, we’ll lose him. He’ll lose himself.”

 

“Then we have to make sure that doesn’t happen, at any cost.” Ava’s thumb stroked comforting patterns over Sara’s skin, and Ava pressed her lips to Sara’s cheek, “We’ll figure this out.”

 

Sara looked at her girlfriend, “You’re amazing, you know that? The best girlfriend ever.”

“I know.” Ava smirked, “You’re not bad either.” she kissed Sara again, “Come on, let’s get a drink.”

*

“Holy shit…” Chas exclaimed as John finished his story, “That’s really crappy, I’m sorry.”

Des shrugged, “Yeah, havin’ a demon in my brain ain’t ideal, but it’s better than not being in control at all.”

 

“Still, we need to find a way to separate Neron from Desmond here.” John took his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed.

Chas walked over to the fridge and grabbed a couple of beers, “I’ll have to warn you, it won’t be easy. Because he made a deal, it’s going to be a bit more difficult than doing an exorcism.” he snapped the caps off the bottles and handed two to the other men.

“Don’t I bloody know it?” John took a drink, noticing that Des’ hands were shaking still, “You not warmed up yet?”

 

Des shook his head, “No-- sorry, I don’t know what it is… I’m just…” his breath trembled and he put the bottle down, running his hands up his arms, “Fuck… I’m so cold!”

“Hang on,” Chas suggested, “I’ll get blankets, maybe it’ll help.” he disappeared out of the room.

Des shivered, “Demon possession doesn’t mean I’m always cold, does it? God, I hope not.”

“Well, you’re not exactly possessed, luv.” John took Des’ hands again, rubbing them in order to warm them up, “Hey… let me try something.” he cupped his boyfriend’s cheek and murmured a spell under his breath, “Kiss me.”

 

Des looked confused for a second, then leant down, pressing his lips to John’s, feeling heat immediately spread through his body.

When he pulled away, he asked, “What was that?”

John replied, “I shared some of my body heat with you. Magically, of course.”

“You didn’t have to do--”

John interrupted, “Nonsense. Look, yer in this mess because of me, I’ll be damned if I don’t help you out of it, whatever it takes.”

“I made my choice.” Des took John’s hand, “And I don’t regret any of it.”

John sighed, and was about to say something when Chas returned, a bundle of blankets in his arms.

The giant of a man held his familiar friendly grin as he gave Des the blankets before sitting back down.

“Thanks, man.” Des smiled, “You don’t have to do all this, you know…”

Chas held up his hands, “It’s fine.”

“Yeah, we’re wastin’ time here. Chas, does Jasper have anything on removing a demon that’s made a deal or not?” the blond’s patience was wearing thin.

Chas replied, “You know as well as I do that it’s not that simple. It’s dark, dark magic and a deal is a sealed promise. You’d have to get some pretty powerful beings on your side to break it.”

 

“Look, I don’t bloody care who I have to contact, okay?” John stressed.

He felt Des’ arm loop around his comfortingly, but it brought him nothing but more pain, and he pulled away.

“Hey…” Des’ voice was soft, chiding, “Johnny, it’s okay.”

John got to his feet as he exclaimed, “No, it’s not!” his voice cracked a little, “It’s bloody not.” he sighed shakily, “I need a bloody smoke.” then left in a dash, grabbing his lighter.

“Well, he’s moodier than usual.” Chas noted, “So, he sent you to hell, huh?”

 

Des nodded, “I don’t remember much. I remember bits and pieces of what Neron did in my body, though.” he admitted, “I tortured him, broke both his legs. I murdered the parent of one of his friends… somehow I don’t think it was the only person Neron used my body to kill.”

“That’s not you, you know that, right?” Chas asked, “Neron, he’s a bastard and a manipulator; he’s not you. John told you about him being possessed, right?”

 

Des gave a small nod, “How does he live with it? The guilt?” his voice became very small, “The sick feeling of enjoyment?”

“He smokes a pack of cigarettes, drinks himself into an oblivion and pretends he’s okay.” Chas replied, “Don’t become John. Don’t let your anger and fear and guilt turn you into someone who pushes people away.”

Des searched Chas’ face, “You really know him, don’t you?”

“Better than anyone.” Chas replied, “I know him well enough to know that he shouldn’t be alone right now. Go. Speak to him.”

Des nodded, wrapping a blanket around himself as he followed where John had disappeared to, finding himself in a bedroom, one he assumed used to belong to the magician from the way he was relaxed on the bed, unlit cigarette between his lips as he stared at the ceiling.

“You and Chas were talking about me.” John stated.

Des nodded, closing the door behind himself, “Yeah.”

“Nothin’ too bad, I hope.” John gave one of his signature smirks, yet his eyes remained on the ceiling.

Des shrugged, changing the subject, “Nice digs you got here. I guess this used to be home to you.” he sat at the bottom of the bed, tightening the blanket around his form.

“Not really.” John replied, “I mean, I stayed here, but I’ve never really had a home.” he paused, then added, “At least, not until--”

 

Des interjected, “-- until we moved in together? Johnny…”

“I guess we were doomed from the start.” John admitted, “Like everything I touch, you were bound to turn to dust too. I’m a bloody--”

 

Des cut him off, “Alright, enough of that.” he grabbed the cigarette from John’s mouth, “Sit up.”

“Hey, I was--”

 

Des glared, and it was enough to make John sit up, huffing in a childlike manner.

“You, hey, look.” Des began, forcing his boyfriend to look at him, “You, Johnny, are not a bad person. You are not cursed. I made my own decisions, I chose to sell my soul.”

John’s eyes welled up, “Yeah, because of me.”

“Would you have done the same?” Des asked.

John sighed, “You know I would have.”

“So what’s the problem?” Des asked, thumb tracing over John’s cheek tenderly, “Why do you have to be a martyr all the time but I can’t make sacrifices for you?”

John miserably admitted, “Because you shouldn’t have to. I am not good. I turn people like you into nothin’.”

“You are not a bad person, Johnny.” Des rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s, “And I don’t care if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of my life, because you need to believe it. You aren’t a bad person, and you didn’t ruin me.”

John gave a trembling breath before cupping Des’ cheek and pulling him down into a kiss, murmuring against his lips, “I bloody love you.”

“I love you too, Johnny.” Des said between kisses, the two of them quickly becoming distracted from how desperately they needed each other.

At some point John’s head hit the pillow and Des settled on top of him as they continued to kiss like a pair of teenagers, fumbling and grabbing at each other. Des grabbed John’s tie and pulled him up into another hard kiss, the other man gasping into his mouth before they could break away for air, both of them having blown pupils and red lips.

Before it could go any furthur, there was an awkward knock at the door, and both men broke away, Des awkwardly ducking his head as he saw a blushing Chas standing there.

“Not again…” Chas murmured, “Why do I always walk in on…”

 

John interrupted, “Chas!” he cleared his throat, “D-Did you find something?”

“No, it’s just… my phone, it went off.” the man explained, “It’s for you. Someone named Zari, I think?”

John rolled his eyes, “Bloody hell, what now?”

When he and Des, who was looking ever embarrassed, came through, Zari’s face popped up on the screen, a concerned look marring her expression.

John sighed, “Look, luv. I told you I can handle it.”

“Yeah, it’s not that.” she explained, “It’s Ray’s magic-o-meter. It’s sounded off, majorly.”

John looked concerned, “We’ve been followed?”

“Yeah, it seems that Neron, whatever he was doing to the fugitives, they’re loyal to him.” Zari then advised, “You three need to get out of there, as soon as possible. We’ll pick you up, but if you need to fight…”

 

John nodded, “Don’t worry, I will.” he hung up, then turned to Chas, “You might want to grab a weapon, mate. This is going to get ugly.” he looked at Des, “You stay behind me, alright? We don’t need you to be in any more danger.”

“They’re here for me.” the fear in his boyfriend’s trembling voice reminded John of the way he had said his name as he was dragged to Hell and made his stomach twist with guilt.

John brought Des’ head down so he could press a kiss to his temple, “I am not letting you get hurt.” he turned to Chas, who was holding a shotgun, “Okay. You ready?”

“After you.” Chas’ tone was anxious.

John rolled his eyes and opened the door, and the three men were soon faced with what appeared to be an army of magical fugitives, their eyes all empty and emotionless as they focused on Desmond.

“Holy shit.” Chas murmured.


	8. change of circumstance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm backkkkkk!!!

John Constantine was used to being in a fight; from the moment his bastard of a father first laid a hand on him to drunken bar fight to battling creatures from the darkest recesses of hell, it took  _ a lot  _ to unnerve him.

 

And yet, as he and Chas were faced with a barricade of creatures that blocked any chance of exit, he felt something cold and strangely familiar twisting in his gut; fear.  Behind him, he heard Des’ breath hitch with fear, and he didn’t blame him.

  
This wasn’t Des’ world; this was his.  His nightmare-infested, bloody hell world where happiness didn’t exist.

 

Chas cocked the gun, but John stopped him, “They’ll kill you before you ‘ave the chance.   You may be immortal, but that doesn’t apply to me or Des.”   
  


“What do we do?” Chas asked.

 

John frowned, “I don’t know.” he asked the army, “Are you here for Neron?”

 

“Our master.” a leprechaun replied, voice emotionless.

 

John shook his head, “You’re not taking Des.”

 

“We must.” the green-clad creature replied, his skin looking translucent, he was so pale.

 

“Johnny…” Des’ voice shook.

 

John interjected, “Let me deal with this one, luv.”

 

“No, Johnny…” Des’ tone raised with panic, “I-I don’t…”

 

When John turned around, Des’ entire body was trembling, and he immediately rested a hand on his boyfriend’s forehead, feeling how clammy he was.

  
“Shit.” he murmured, “Being near this much evil, it’s drawin’ Neron out, like sucking the poison out of a bloody wound!”

 

Des’s eyes flashed black and he hissed, “And soon that poison will consume your poor little boyfriend, John Constantine.”   
  


John took a step back,  _ “Neron.”  _ his voice trembled, “No, you can’t.  You can’t have him!”   
  


He harkened back to saying the same thing, only to Nergal about Astra, like a knife twisting in his gut as he recalled how that endeavour ended.  He still heard Astra’s screams, saw her being dragged away to eternal damnation, and he couldn’t let Desmond go through that.

 

Not again.

 

_ “John!” _ Chas called as the army grew closer, turning to see an all-too familiar look on his friend’s face; the look he had seen when he visited John at Ravenscar, vacant, traumatised, empty, “John, don’t do this.  I need you.”

 

Neron laughed bitterly, “Oh, he won’t help you.” he turned to Chas, “He’ll drag you to hell too, just as he did Astra, just as he did Desmond.  John Constantine, the killer.”

 

_ “Stop.”  _ John’s voice cracked, “Des, I know you’re there.  Take back control. He isn’t free, he’s just rattling the cage, you are in control.” he took Des’ hand, feeling how cold it was.

 

Neron seemed to be affected by John’s words, snarling as his form began to shake, the black in his eyes returning to normal as Desmond regained control once more, slumping forward against John.

 

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  _ Des repeated in a mantra against John’s shoulder, tears in his voice.

 

John ran his hands through his hair, “It’s alright.  You’re strong, you can fight this.”

 

“This is beautiful and romantic, but we kinda have a bigger problem here!” Chas yelled, keeping the shotgun raised.

 

Des raised his head, wiping at his eyes, “Johnny, I have an idea.”   
  


“What do you mean?” John asked.

 

Des pulled him down for a brief kiss, and John felt his boyfriend grab something from his jacket and felt his heart skip a beat when he realised it was his blade.

 

_ “Trust me.”  _ Des murmured, then moved in front of Chas, putting the blade against his own throat.

 

Panicked, John asked, “Des, what’re you doin’?”

 

“Trust me, Johnny.” he called to the creatures, “So, you all worship Neron, do you?  You have to protect him.”

 

One of the creatures, a wolven creature growled, “Yes, that is our purpose.”

 

“Then tell me this, you ugly sons of bitches,” he began, “What happens if I die whilst he’s caged inside me?  He won’t be able to leave, he’ll be stuck inside my body as I die.”

 

John cried, “Des, no!”

 

“It’s okay, Johnny.  I know what I’m doing.” he dug the blade into his own neck a little, drawing some blood, “It’s your choice.  Either you leave, or your master dies with me.”

 

Chas smirked, “He’s  _ good.” _

 

“Fool.” the wolf growled, “You don’t have the spine.”   
  


Des’ voice was dead serious, “To protect the people I love, I would do anything.  I would kill, and yeah, I’d die. Go ahead, try me. See if I’m serious. You’ll fail your purpose.”

 

“You are a child.” another voice, this one belonging to a cape-clad warlock, spoke, “We have a millenia on you.  What’s to stop us from stopping you?”   
  


Des replied, “Because I won’t stop.  I’ll never stop. I’ll be dead before you can even do anything.”

 

_ “He doesn’t lie.”  _ another creature spoke, “He is afraid, and in that fear comes bravery.”   
  


Des nodded, “Damn right it does.”   
  


“I have a better idea.” the warlock said, then with a flick of his wrist, the knife went flying out of Des’ hand and straight into Chas’ gullet, blood draining down his body as he gasped and choked, falling to his knees and dropping the shotgun.

 

_ “No.”  _ Desmond attempted to help, but John held him back.

  
John whispered, “He’s immortal, remember?  Knew that wouldn’t work.”   
  


“I was trying to bide us time.” Des’ voice trembled, “I thought…”

 

The warlock spoke, “You thought wrong.  Time to free my master.” his eyes glowed yellow,  _ “With the might of Beelzebub's rage, release my master from his--” _

 

He was cut off when a blast of energy hit his head, taking it clean off -- the other fugitives all looked horrified and panicked, then the Waverider materialised in the air, landing on the ground in between the house and the creatures.

 

Zari and Nora appeared at the cargo bay door, both looking horrified at the state of Chas, but not having time to ask for an explanation.

 

“Get in!” Zari cried.

 

John shook his head, “I have to get somethin’ first.”

 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Nora grumbled, “Okay, Desmond.  Grab John’s friend, come aboard. You have to hurry, Sara can’t hold them off long!”

 

*

 

Aboard the Waverider, Sara sat in her Captain’s chair, firing at the fugitives, “Gideon, how’s our weapons doing?”

 

“Weapons are at 40%.” the AI replied.

 

Charlie winced as Sara shot another fugitive, and instinctively reached for Zari’s hand, disturbed by the mass murder.  She then remembered Zari wasn’t in her seat and was helping John and she was simply left alone.

 

When Des came aboard with someone who seemed to be fatally injured, Sara almost lost focus, but Des replied, “It’s fine.  He’s immortal.”   
  


“Of course he is.” Ray remarked, “Where’s Nora?”   
  


Zari replied, “She’s our line of defense whilst John grabs something from the house.”

  
“I should go help her!” Ray hopped up, ignoring Ava’s eyeroll and a comment Mick made about him being ‘whipped’.

 

He grabbed his ion blaster, rushing over to Nora, who was tiring from using so much magic and seemed to freeze when she saw him.

 

“You know, this wasn’t what I thought my redemption would be.” she commented.

  
Ray blasted a fugitive, retorting, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions,” and he saw Nora give a small smile at that.

 

*

 

Inside the house, John desperately grabbed several books, putting them in his old bag, stopping for a second when he saw one of Zed’s old jackets still draped over the chair.   He rested a hand on it for a second, thinking about how he, Zed and Chas had  _ almost _ been a functional team, had he not have fucked it up.

 

He couldn’t fuck up with Des again, he couldn’t let him down as he had let everyone else down.

 

His mother, Zed, Zatanna, Gary, Ritchie, Astra, so many skeletons in his closet, so much darkness in his heart.

 

He didn’t deserve to be happy, he knew this, but even moreso, Desmond didn’t deserve to be damned to hell, not again.  The world didn’t deserve Neron running loose.

 

He composed himself with a sigh, grabbing another book, then, as fast as he could, ran, speeding out of the house almost too quickly for him to be able to utter a spell as he set a fugitive alight.

 

_ “What took you so long?”  _ Nora seemed frazzled, exhausted, and this time, it wasn’t just because she was with Ray.

 

John sprinted aboard the ship and Ray closed the cargo bay door, pressing the comms, “Sara, John’s back.”   
  


“Okay, well, find something to grab onto.” she advised Des, “Strap yourself in!” she flew the Waverider up, jumping into the Temporal Zone as soon as possible.

  
Back in the cargo bay, Nora came crashing into Ray, both falling to the ground as the ship creaked and trembled.  When the engines finally settled, both realised they had been clinging to each other.

 

Nora pulled away, blushing as she gazed up at Ray, the man brushing some of her hair out of her face, and for a second she almost forgot that they had to remain parted for his own good.

 

Thankfully, a winded John remarking,  _ “Ow.”  _ was enough to pull her back.

 

*

 

On the brig, Des unstrapped himself before running to the cargo bay to help John, gasping when he saw him on the floor.  He helped him up, running a hand over his back.

  
“It’s alright.” John commented, “I’m alright.”

 

Des pulled his boyfriend in for a hug, murmuring, “I thought we were going to die… th-that  _ he’d  _ get loose.”   
  


“Hey.” John pulled away, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek, “I will never let that happen, okay?  I promise you.”

 

Des nodded, “Did you get the stuff?”

 

“I did, and this ‘stuff’ is bound to have some kind of information in it.” John glanced at Nora and Ray, who were still entwined on the floor and he rolled his eyes, “Right, whilst you two are busy dry-humpin’ like a bunch of bloody dogs and then claiming to be parted for the greater good, I’m going to go to the others.”

 

Awkwardly, the two got to their feet, avoiding each other’s eyes as they followed John into the cortex.

 

John sighed as he knelt beside Chas, “Any minute now.  Come on, mate. I know you’re in there.”   
  


The larger man revived with a shout, choking on his own blood for a minute then sitting up, _ “Damn it John, why is it always me?” _

 

“Because out of the two of us, you’re the only one blessed with semi-immortality?” John retorted dryly.

 

Chas rubbed at his throat and shot John a glare,  _ “You’re an asshole.” _ __   
  


“I know.” John smacked his shoulder in encouragement, “But you stick around.”

 

Chas nodded, “Despite the dying every other week with you.”

 

“Oh, I’ve been dead.” Sara piped up, “Not fun!”

 

John clapped back, “Difference is, you were dead two bloody years, trust me, I had to save your soul and everything.”

 

“You let  _ him  _ save your soul?” Chas asked, “Oh, you poor, poor woman.”

 

John rolled his eyes, “What is this, the John-bashing train?  Get up, I’m not kneeling on this floor much longer.”   
  


Chas mumbled something that sounded like,  _ “I’ll make you kneel…”  _ and immediately regretted, pinching his nose, “You know what I meant.”

 

“Sorry, already got a person for that, and I’m a loyal man.” John flashed his signature grin towards Des, who ducked his head a little.

 

Chas and John both got to their feet, the former looking around the parameter of the Waverider around him.

 

_ “Holy shit!”  _ he exclaimed, “This is some weird, sci-fi crap!  I mean, metahumans are one thing, but this?”

 

John shrugged, “Eh, it’s okay.”   
  


“You know, for a warlock, you kinda miss the point of magic.” Desmond commented, “This is  _ amazing.” _

 

John rolled his eyes, “This isn’t magic, this is timey-wimey Doctor bloody Who shit.”

 

_ “I’ll take that as a compliment, Mr. Constantine.”  _ Gideon’s voice spoke and her hologram appeared over the computers.

 

Chas laughed like a child on Christmas, “That’s amazing!”

 

“I know, right?” Des smiled.

 

John rolled his eyes, “Right, can we get on with business, please?  The longer we wait, the more chance Neron has of escape.”

 

“So, how bad is Neron?” Chas asked, “Asides from him holding your soul, you never really told me anything about him.”   
  


John sighed, “It’s bad.  And I’m hoping that the protection spell in Des’ necklace here,” he pointed at the amulet, “Will be enough to help, along with our other spells and Nora here, but we’ve basically confirmed my worst fear.” he sighed, “Neron, we figured out he was taking some of the fugitives, basically time criminals--”

 

_ “Oi!”  _ Charlie piped up, “Not  _ all _ of us.”   
  


John nodded, “Some are innocent, too.  But he’s taken them, and I think he’s tortured them.  Broke them. Brainwashed them. Turned them into nothing but mindless slaves who work for him.”

 

_ “Bloody hell…”  _ Charlie’s voice wavered as she thought of her friends, and she felt Zari take her hand and give it a comforting squeeze, “Will there be a way to save them?  Because if you send them all to Hell…”   
  


John replied, “I’ll try to find a way.  But Neron, he’s crafty.”

 

“Yeah, he knew to use me to get to you.” Des admitted, “And I was stupid enough to let him bind himself to me, even though part of me knew he was lying about protecting you, about saving you.”   
  


John shook his head, taking his boyfriend’s hand in his, “Not your fault, darling.   He’s a master manipulator, he wanted to hurt me. He knew that you were the way to do that.”

 

_ “I know.”  _ Des’ voice sounded fragile, unconvinced, “I-- He manipulated Nate’s dad too, told him he’d bring back his dad, help bring the world to peace.”

 

John looked concerned, “You’re remembering.”   
  


“Fragments.  Bits and pieces.” Des said, “He had a lot of plans, I know that.  I just… I don’t know, it’s like most of it is locked away.”

 

John sighed in relief, “That’s good, at least you’re not reliving Hell, because that could  _ literally _ drive you to insanity and I kind of need you around to keep my sorry arse going.”

 

“Well, I’ll try to stick around.” Des smiled weakly, “I just… I wish I could help.  I wish I could tell you what Neron’s planning.”   
  


Sara spoke up, “Look, whatever it is, we’ll sort it, won’t we guys?”

 

“Of course.” Ray agreed.

 

Zari and Charlie nodded, their hands still linked; Mick grunted unenthusiastically.

 

Nora smiled, “We will do whatever it takes.”

 

“I’ll use whatever resources the Time Bureau have to help.” Ava promised, then looked at her watch, “Speaking of which, I better get back, Gary, Nate and Mona are trying to sort through Hank’s stuff, find out if he had anything there.”

 

Ray frowned, “That’ll be really difficult for Nate to do, he’s just lost his dad.”

 

Des flinched as the memory of telling Hank to slit his own throat flashed into his mind, and John rubbed his shoulders comfortingly, knowing immediately what the issue was.

 

_ “You could come with.”  _ Ava suggested, “We could always use an extra set of hands.”   
  


Ray exchanged a glance with Nora, then nodded, “Okay, I’ll go.  I need a hug off of Nate anyway.”   
  


“Thought you and Nora were the couple?” grumbled Mick.

 

Ray went bright red at that, stammering, “Uh, w-we’re not… we’re not…”

 

“What Raymond is  _ trying  _ to say is,” Nora began, clearing her throat, “We figured that our situations are too different, our _ lives  _ are too different to--”   
  


John interjected, “I’m a warlock with a dark past and I’m dating a barkeep from New Orleans.”

 

“Yeah, if  _ we  _ can make it work,” Des encouraged.

 

Nora glared at John, “C-Can we change the subject, please?  Ray, you should go.”

 

_ “Blimey.”  _ Charlie commented, “Straight people.”   
  


John smirked, “I know, right?”   
  


“Okay, leaving!” Ray called as Ava opened a portal with her courier, looking back at Nora before leaving.

 

When the portal closed, Mick commented, “Well  _ he  _ wants to sleep with you.”

 

_ “Mick!”  _ Sara glowered, “I think we’ve all worked out that this couple is a very, very slowburn.  Don’t worry, if Phoebe had to wait through boring love interests for the chance to marry Paul Rudd, I’m sure we can wait for these two to realise they’re head over heels for each other.”   
  


Nora huffed, “I am  _ right here,  _ you know!”   
  


“Oh, I know.” Sara smirked.

 

John sighed, “As riveting as this is, shouldn’t we all get on with the show?”

 

_ “I loved ‘f.r.i.e.n.d.s.’”  _ Chas chuckled.

 

John scowled at him,  _ “Chas!” _ __   
  


“Right, sorry, sorry!” Chas huffed, “Okay, get the books out, then.”

 

*

 

Meanwhile, at the Time Bureau, Nate was hitting the screen of a frozen computer, cursing under his breath.  Gary awkwardly leered over him whilst Mona watched from across the room, on her own laptop.

 

Gary asked, “You okay, buddy?”   
  


“Yeah, just this,” another hit,  _ “stupid freaking computer  _ isn’t working.”

 

The bespectacled man replied, “I mean, hitting it isn’t a recommended way to fix anything.”

 

_ “Yeah, where’d you learn that?”  _ Nate spat, “‘Life Lessons for Dummies’?”

 

From her seat, Mona chastised,  _ “Hey!”  _ she glared up, “Just because you’re going through something doesn’t give you any right to be such a dick!”

 

_ “Oh, fuck you.”  _ Nate snapped, “Tell me, who are you exactly and what gives you any right to comment on my behaviour?”

 

Mona closed her laptop, “You know what?” she got to her feet, “You’re right.  You don’t know me, and I don’t know you,” at Nate’s smirk, she continued, “So, let me tell you a bit about me; I’m Mona, I’m nineteen years old and am pretty new here, but I grew pretty close with some of the so-called criminals you kept here.  Especially Konane.” her voice hitched a little, “And now he’s gone. I don’t even know if he’s still alive because of your jackass dad.”   
  


“My dad is  _ dead!”  _ Nate got to his feet, raising his voice.

 

Beside them, Gary grew fidgety and nervous, having never been a fan of conflict, and yet, he couldn’t intervene, he was simply too terrified.

 

Mona snapped back at Nate, delivering the cold, hard truth, “Your dad betrayed you!  He betrayed the Time Bureau, the fugitives and his own damned family!”   
  


_ “Shut up.”  _ Nate’s voice wavered a little, “H-He was controlled.”   
  


Mona nodded, “Influenced, maybe.  But the decisions were his own, up until his bloody end.  So, no. Don’t expect me to cry for a murderer.”

 

When she turned her back, there was a loud, resounding smash, and as she looked up, the objects on Hank’s desk flew up into the air as a steeled-out Nate drove a fist into the desk.

 

Various objects began to raise in the air, and it was, with horror, Mona realised that the monitor which Nate had been frustrated with, was beginning to descend back down, and this time, it would hit Gary on the head.

 

_ “No!”  _ Mona cried, and a blast of blue energy escaped her, starting from where her wound was.

 

When she looked up again, the monitor’s descent had stopped; as had everything around her, objects frozen in place.  Even Gary and Nate stood unmoving and Mona couldn’t muster up any kind of response that seemed appropriate.

 

In the end, she simply settled for,  _ “Holy shit.” _

 

She walked over to Gary, waving her hands in front of his face, her heart thumping in her chest, then just to be safe, she shoved Gary out of the way of his non-impending doom.

 

When she finally managed to move him, she felt a wave of nausea suddenly topple her to her knees, and faintly recognised crashes around her and Gary calling her name as everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are very well appreciated


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